One Giant Leap

Looking over the edge, I step back. My hands shaking as I turn and look at Him. Taking a step forward, I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.
I look down again and the view from this height is dizzying. I look back at Him, looking for what I am not sure. He smiles and nods His head.
I turn, and jump.

Straight into His arms. "Welcome home, " He says.

Strength lies with surrender

Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.

Not true.

They want to be told what to do all the time.

Not true.

They need someone to make them knee and kiss the boot.

Not true.

That they want to be treated poorly and humiliated and beat.

Not true.

What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.
It takes a thinking person to decide the course of his/her life. He/ She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. He/She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.

He/She sees the process as a journey as does the Dom. A journey that upon acceptance of her submission, becomes his/her responsibility to direct. Notice I said direct! He/she is very much a part of the process. This is a journey they are both taking, together. They have a vision.

A sub is not weak. To take everything that you are and give it to another, takes strength of will and character.
Never underestimate the power of a sub.


It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome his/her fear.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”

 Audre Lorde

Trust Again - No not really

Time to look at trust again.

Trust is given? Trust is earned? Trust grows?
Or is it all of the above. You come to someone, you fall in love. When you look at them you see possibilities, and you have thoughts of what you want and need from them. But trust? We assume that is part of it. And as I have tried to say before, trust is expectations. But someone said something that made me think about that again, "It is not up to him to make you trust. You came to him with that trust and placed it in him." (thank you my friend)

The trust is mine, to give as is my submission. He can't make it, invent it, take it. I bring it and place it in his hands, and accept what he offers as he offers it without conditions. Then and only then am I open to the possibilities. Then and only then have I truly surrendered all control to him and his being. Then and only then can I belong completely.
Sometimes I feel like banging my head against a wall, why did I not understand this before? Because I was too busy hanging onto my trust, and my expectations.
Ouch.... rubbing my head.

It is my trust, my submission that I give. When I put conditions on what he needs to do or even be before I hand over that trust and submission, I set myself up for failure.

Does he need to make a nest for me to curl up in safe and warm ? I used to think so, not I am not so sure. He needs to have the strength and integrity to draw me to him, the open arms waiting. If the trust and submission are given, freely by me (and only I can decide if I have it to give) then the warm safe nest is there with two words, I Submit.

With that leap and that faith,  he now has the power to know what I need.

Change is in the air

Back again.

Life changes and with those changes we must change. We learn as we go along and hope the lessons are not too painful. Unfortunately they sometimes are and we are left with shattered dreams and we slowly pick up the pieces.

Sometimes we try to glue the pieces together, meticulously making sure each piece lines up perfectly and fits where it once was. But is that wise? After all, it was not strong enough to hold together the first time, putting it back together the same way may not be the wisest thing to do.

Sometimes we choose to sweep the pieces up and put them in a special box or container and set them on a shelf. We look at them each day, a little less as time goes on. The sadness is there, that it is not whole.

Sometimes we sweep them up and toss them in the trash. The pieces are shattered beyond repair. Now that may happen after we try to put them together , or after they have set for a while or as soon as it is broken. Either way, it is gone. Not to be retrieved and recreated.

Grieving for a time, then looking forward. The key is to learn to recognize when it is time to to glue, look at or sweep away.

Can we look back? Of course, we can and should look back, but from a safe distance. Getting too close is dangerous. we get drawn into the dream again. And we forget what got us where we are.

Time to move on, time to look to the future and the possibilities. Will there be moments where you want to turn and run back to where you were? Oh yes, more times than you will want to admit. But I leaned one thing, I was getting ready to move on for a long time, I just needed new glasses to see clearly.

More on Trust

Still thinking about trust.... so difficult to understand how it works. When you meet someone, there is an initial giving of trust. Superficial, of course. No expectations except that the person respond in an appropriate manner. We find that we enjoy the conversation and like the answers to our questions. Then we extend a little more trust, we begin to share something of ourselves. Again, the expectation is that the other person will accept that information and share something of themselves. After all, knowing each other is the basis of a relationship.

The way we react to someone is based on previous relationships. Sometimes, we repeat the same process over and over. Do we not learn?

Well that depends. It depends on whether we understand our reactions. And it depends on the other person too. We are not always able to recognize when we react to something in a negative way. And if the other person does not catch the signs,  then we are doomed to repeat the same mistake.

That is when trust comes in. When we trust someone and open up a little of ourselves, we are trusting or expecting that they will be able to recognize the negative reactions and help us through them.
That is a lot to put on someone. And that is why so many fast, hot relationships break apart so quickly.
Each person has those expectations or trust in the other.
The relationship falls apart and each looks at the other and is determined not to "trust" again.

Then the wall comes up. You can call it anything you want, but all it means is that we fear.
We fear our needs and wants. Are we looking for too much, are we looking for something that doesn't exist?
We fear letting ourselves open to another. We are so unsure of ourselves, of what we see as truth.
We fear being hurt again. We fear the defeat we felt not so long ago.

What is trust? Do we need it? Can we have a relationship without it?
                                                                       

                                                              

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure ... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn ... and you learn with every goodbye, you learn.

"Aprendiendo"

Jorge Luis Borges

Trust

Funny word trust. We use it all the time. People throw it around like it was a penny. Has it lost it's meaning?

What does it mean? There are different kinds of trust. I trust that the sun will come up tomorrow. I trust that there is gas flowing from the gas pump.
What about the trust we put in strangers? I trust the cook in a restaurant to cook my food well. I trust the sales clerk to give me the correct change. (Some of you may count it every time, but I know most of you don't)

Then there is emotional trust. That is the one we talk about the most, the one we think about the most. What is it to trust someone? What does that mean?
We place something of ourselves in their hands. We let them in. Wait!! Let them in where? When we trust someone, we let them see our innermost thoughts and feelings. The ones that we don't show a stranger because we know that stranger would walk away. Well some thoughts aren't that bad, but you know what I mean.

How do we trust? Is it something the other person says? "Trust me." Is that all it take?
For some it is hard, it is like climbing a mountain to give trust. Why is that? Well they will tell you because their trust has been broken before.
So in reality it is not you they don't trust, it is themselves. We don't trust ourselves to make good choices.

So when we don't trust, who are we hurting? What do we miss out on?
I know, you can say that there is less pain that way. And I may disagree. Not trusting anyone, leaves one very lonely. Is that not painful? Look at the number of songs written about loneliness. Being alone hurts.

So, we trust someone. We share ourselves with them. We open our hearts and love them. We expect that they do the same. WAIT!! Who said anything about expectations???
Well isn't that what trust is? Expectations?

We trust someone, the problem comes in when we expect certain responses to that trust. And we don't get it. Then we say our trust is broken. But is it really?

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be - and when they're not, we cry."

We gave the trust. We are the one that put conditions on it. When someone does not live up to those conditions, who has the problem?

I am not saying that it doesn't hurt. It really hurts alot when someone does not live up to what we felt they should. We take back our trust, and we are most upset with ourselves for ever giving it. It hurts. We lose faith in ourselves and we want the other person to take that blame. We need someone else to be the cause of the hurt we have inside. Does that make it easier? I don't think so. I think it makes the hurt linger longer.

So what do we do? Not trust? Without trust, we never really know someone. Without trust, we never really feel safe. Without trust, we never really grow.
Only you can decide if it is worth the risk to trust someone. Only you can decide.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust neither can we find love love or joy"
Walter Anderson

Submitting

What happens in a sub's heart when she knows that all she is belongs to him? That moment when she knows He is the one that completes her.

Her soul demands her submission to Him. She wants to feel the weight of a collar around her neck. To know that this marks her as His.

She gives him her body, her mind, her heart and her all. In return He keeps her safe and warm. He protects the bud from the cold and disease and heat so that it may blossom and open to the flower that was meant to be.
She is like a caterpillar, eating her way through life waiting for the moment she is called.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.  ~Richard Bach

The Woodcarver

After a discussion last week many of us stayed around and talked about D/s and what it meant to us. The subject of Masters came up as it always does, and we bantered around what makes a good Master. Of course there were innumerable traits, and many opinions. This story was given to me by one of the Masters in the group. I liked and asked who wrote it. No one knew.... but here it is and thank you who ever wrote it.

The woodcarver
        Often, we hear the analogy of a Master as a creator of sorts, painting a masterpiece with the blank canvas of a slave who lays her life in his hands. Or we might hear of a Master as a potter, sculpting, molding the lump of clay into the shape he envisions. Many parallels can be drawn from those analogies to a story of personal growth under someone else's watchful eye- if you have not read the "Teacup", I highly recommend it. But, for some reason, those analogies never quite fit for me.
        The reason being, is that we are not all blank canvases, or identical lumps of clay. I can think of only a few people who would want to take the time to strip down someone so deeply that there are no distinguishing personality traits or features, and then create on top of a blank canvas. Rather, I see it more similar to a man who carves wood.

        The woodcarver has a vision. He determines what kind of wood it would take to accomplish his goal, along with other factors such as time, tools, and level of interest committed to making the vision a reality. He examines the selection of wood available, checking the history of the wood- has it been processed or seasoned? Is it damaged from prior use, and if so, can that be repaired? Is the piece strong enough to last once it is put to use? He looks at the grain, and imagines how it will look as a finished product. He fingers the knots carefully, determining if he will work around those or remove them, and whether it is worth the time he puts into it. Some areas will need more stripping, polishing, a steady hand carving to bring out the beauty, while other areas are fine as they are. Sometimes, he finds a piece of wood that has such personality that it doesn't fit his original vision, but he holds onto it just the same to see if he can find a use for it.
        As he works with the wood, sometimes the vision might alter slightly as he sees a change in the grain that was unexpected, or work to improve small flaws that he detects through his familiar handling of the wood. Some areas, he will strip quickly to get to remove the layers he does not want, yet in others, he knows that pressing too hard might break the wood in half. He works with what he has, patient but dedicated to his vision- the gradual shaping and polishing bringing just as much pleasure as the finished product will.

        My Master- when you took me in your hands, you played up the assets you liked, retooled the flaws you felt I had. You left the individual strengths that made me who I was and brought out the fresh untouched wood that lay hidden under all the outer rings. You discovered a beauty I never knew existed within me, my splintered edges smoothed by your handling. I hope that I will always remain a 'work in progress' that you take pleasure in honing. Thank you, Master.

A collar

                                                     

There are many kinds of collars. Steel, leather, sometimes pretty and delicate and even Velcro. Collars are begged , and given. Whether placed on the neck for a day or for a longer time, the very act has some meaning, the wearing of a collar is an outward show of something deeper.

Now I know there are those that take a collar or offer a collar with out thought or commitment. This is about the ones that view the collar as a commitment between Dom and sub

A Dom and a sub enter into an agreed relationship. They have talked and discussed. They have learned about each other and they are developing a trust.
A collar symbolizes  the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub have for each other.

It is a deep well thought out commitment. It symbolizes the need each have for the other, hers to serve , his to be served.

It is an outward symbol of something stronger.

Consider this quote: "With the collar you are compelled to obey me - without the collar you must continually choose to obey me. I want you to always choose to obey me, because without your free will I am nothing."

The collar is only a symbol. It is what it represents that is important. The commitment that two people have to each other.

Love is...............

  “Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

What does that mean?

Love knows no limit to it's endurance.
According to Webster, endurance is the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress,  or other adverse conditions. To me that means that when all else fails, love goes on. When you are ready to give up, love will hold you up. When you are down on the ground, love will lift you up. We all are against you, love will protect you.

Love has no end to its trust.
What does this mean? So many say that once a trust is broken, it cannot be repaired. Love doesn't know the word irreparable. Once a trust is broken, love is what will lead you through the grieving and the forgiveness. Love will help you build the trust again. Love will let that trust stand stronger than it was before.

Love has no fading of it's hope.  Hope is the the feeling that what is wanted can be had. Love holds hope and protects it.Where there is love, there is hope. With love, the hope that all things are possible is alive and well.

Love can outlast anything.
Love does not look at a watch or a calendar. Time has no meaning for love. Love is. Love always will be.

Love still stands when all else has fallen. Love is all these things. It is something two people share and nurture together. It sets no rules, no conditions. Love is..... and where there is love, there is a way.

Strength lies with surrender

Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.
Not true.

Some will tell you subs want to treated poorly and ordered around, made to kneel and kiss the boot of the Master to fulfil some fantasy or need for humiliation.
Not true.

What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.

It takes a thinking person to decide the course of her life. She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
She sees the process as a journey. She has a vision.

It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome her fear.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
 Audre Lorde

What makes a Dom a Master?

What makes a Dom a Master?

It is taking responsibility for the well being of a sub. It is accepting the submission of one who gives her being over to him for safe keeping. It is accepting her for what she is, her smiles and tears, her joys and sorrows, her happiness and her pain, and looking at her, flaws and all and seeing a creature needing.

What makes a Master a good Master?

It is creating a place where His girl feels safe and loved, a place to grow and learn, a place where she belongs. It is focusing on her and her needs and slowly bringing them in line with his own. It is two two pieces of rope, coming together to form a knot, each still separate and together stronger than either could have been on its own.
It is searching and finding her joys and bringing them to new heights. It is searching and finding her fears and tearing them apart leaving room for more joy. It is discovering her thoughts and encouraging them to grow and grow. It is discovering her flaws and slowly helping her make the changes she needs to make to grow.

What makes a Master a good Master?

It is focusing on His girl and allowing her to focus on him. It is allowing her to serve him. It is using his power with hers and creating a force that takes each of them and combines them, and launching them into the world as one.

The Wall

I tossed another rock on the pile

Watching it grow higher and higher

Soon no sunlight would be allowed through

I felt my world grow colder and colder

Then the sun came out

Peeking through the rocks

I frowned as it warmed my world

I turned and watched a rock tumble

Then another

Soon the wall of rocks was gone

The sun was bright and warm

I turned and heard a sound

A rock came to rest at my feet

The sun grew cold

My world took on a chill

I tossed another rock on the pile

To build my wall once again

A few chosen words

Sometimes, a few chosen words can mean so much. As I said before, they have to be followed by actions. And when they are, there are possibilities.

What does a Dom see when a sub speaks? A chance meeting, a glance, eyes meet and a shock is felt. Does he know as well as she?

She sees in him possibilities. Possibilities of that unique relationship, that coming together that she dreams of, the intangible circle of completeness that she craves.

What does he see? Does he see her power? her longing to serve? Does he see the possibilities?

They meet, they talk and talk some more. Each probes and thinks, examines and engages the other. A relationship does not grow in a moment, but all it takes is a moment to start.

Submission is given

Submission is a gift. It can only be given, not taken or demanded.

Let me explain, one can force someone to submit in the physical sense. Force one to obey through fear. But that submission drains power from the oppressor.

True submission is given freely and increases the power of the Dominant. Crucial to this is that the sub is made complete. Subs and Doms can and do live happily and fully. But the completion of the circle, submission given and accepted lifts both to a level that cannot exist without each other.

There is a catch. Once the gift is given, it must be accepted and cared for so that it may grow deeper and the circle become stronger. A ring, a circle, a collar.

The deeper the submission, the stronger the Dom and the stronger the complete circle.

Words

What are words? A way of expressing ourselves, of saying what we think. Words can explain scientific facts or explain the beauty of a sunset. Words can encourage and words can hurt. Words can convey thoughts and feelings and intentions.
But words are easy. It is easy to say something, it is easy to find just the right word to make someone take notice, or someone look away .

Words.

Say what you mean. Say what you are. Say what you feel.

Words.

Words have no power without actions. Words are like a leaf in the wind. Here one moment and gone the next unless the action is behind them.
It is easy to learn words. And it is easy to say words. It is not so easy to do words. To say what you mean and then to do it.

Words.

Say I love you. Say it 1000 times. Say it again. What is it? Said and gone. Love me, that is harder to do.

Words.

Words can be weapons. Words can hurt and destroy the fragile soul of a sub. Measure your words, speak slowly. Follow the words with an action.

Throw out words. Make them sound good. Use them to soothe, to hurt, to teach or to tear down. It is the action that makes the words have meaning.

Don't tell me you love me. Show me.

Speaking of Doms

So listen up Doms!!

I talk alot about what a sub wants an needs. That is because I have those wants and needs. What does a Dom want? I can only speculate I suppose.
A Dom wants to dominate. Oh that was easy.

What does that mean? He wants to take the will, the mind and the body of another and mold, bend, shape and use for his pleasure and her fulfillment. Does that sum it up? Am I on the right track?

Why? Because he can.

What does a Dom want and need? I can't say for sure. I can only speculate. He wants respect. He wants to know that his sub holds his wants and needs above her own. He wants to know he will be "taken care of".

WHOOOAAA!!!!!!!!

Taken care of? Does he want that? Is there a human being that does not want at some point to be taken care of?

I have been told that being with a sub can calm the mind. Being with a sub can free a soul, Being with a sub can inspire creativity.  Is this not being taken care of?

What is it that a sub does for him? Each one is different, each one is unique and only the two, Dom and sub can define the relationship.

It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master. Ann Rand

What do subs dream of?

What do subs dream about? How many times am I asked "What do you seek?". How I struggle not to give pat answers, the easy ones.

What do I dream about?

I dream of that Master that sees the wonders of my soul. The Master that seeks the pleasure and the joy I will bring him.

I dream of that Master that will learn me and seek to fulfil my needs. The needs I am aware of and the needs I have not discovered yet.

I dream of that Master that will ferret out my flaws. He will bring them to the surface and lead me to confront each and every one.

He will not settle for anything less than all of me. It will be glorious, it will be painful and it will take me to places I have never been. And through it all, He will be there leading me, pushing me, and holding me when I need it.

Through it all, He will find pleasure in shaping and joy in the blossom.

Beyond My Best

You hold me in a world of love
Engulfing me with warmth
Taking me beyond all I know
Raising me beyond my best

Taking hold of my weaknesses
And turning them into strengths
Making me more than I could hope
Raising me beyond my best

You lead me through play and sceneing
The pain and love takes hold
Pushing my boundaries all the way
Raising me beyond my best

In life and in love my Master
Showing me how to cope
With what life has been dealt to me
Raising me beyond my best

Today and then tomorrow
Now and in the future
I know you will keep me growing
Raising me beyond my best

author unknown

Submissive Power

Submissive

Power

Two words that seem to not fit together. Submissive is to yield, if you yield you are not strong. A submissive yields as a choice, think about how strong that must make her. She knows she has power, she knows she has strength. Yet, she CHOOSES to yield that to a Dom. She takes her power and gives it to Him to add to the power He has so that they both can benefit. What amazing strength that must take to see that which we know we control, released and given over to someone else to control.

“In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.” Lao-Tzu

The Master

Are you a soft and gentle Master?

Or a cold unyielding Lord?

Will you treat me to pains

And pleasures alike;

Those I am familiar

And those I’d like to explore?

Do you have the patience to teach me new things?

Can you watch me,

Learn my subtle cues?

Will you listen;

Listen to my words, my heart?

Talk to me, I will listen.

Listen to me, I will obey.

Luna

A poem found in many sub's journals I am sure. But what does it mean?  Does she really not know the answer to the questions? Or is this that initial "talk"?
What is she looking for?

Does she know what she needs? Does she know what she wants? And the Dom she is talking to, what can he respond?

Read it again.

I think she is asking him if he will explore her, if he will seek out that which she needs and guide her to it. After all isn't that what a good Master does?
One Master suggested it was like watching a flower blossom.

What she offers is the bud, will he seek the full bloom?

What is a sub?

I have been challenged to answer this, by one that does not think I am a sub. And he is right, I am not his sub.

What is a sub? What does it mean to me?

It means that I know who I am, that I know what I need and that I know have the power to fulfil my needs. Oh, then you might say, that does not mean you are a sub, you can do it alone.
No, that is not what I said, I said I have the power to fulfil my needs, and one of those needs is the need to surrender to a powerful man, a Dom.

It is a power exchange, I surrender my power to him, I give him what I am to mold to his will. But how is that fulfilling my need? I trust him, I trust him to learn what I need and with his power and mine combined to take care of my needs. I trust him to take my body, my soul and my mind to raise what we are separately to new heights.
It means I am vulnerable, it means opening myself to him to allow him inside. It means trusting him to take me places I may not want to be, but where I need to be. It means being there with me.
Wow, a lot of words and alot of work. Yes, it is just words until you have felt that feeling deep in your belly, deep in your soul that you belong to him and you will go where he will take you. Lot of work, lot of responsibility on both he and myself. And a lot of trust, I need to know that he has my best interest at heart, that caring for me is his priority because that is what gives him the greatest pleasure.

I give him my focus, my thoughts, my needs and desires. He gives me his control and with that control frees me to be the person I was meant to be.

Two sides to a coin. Without submission there is no domination. He needs me as much as I need him. The perfect symbiotic relationship at it's best. Does it always work that way? No, we are human, and we make mistakes. We let feeling rule sometimes and the little gremlins we all have inside.

But I trust that he will conquer that and take control. I trust that he will use me to fulfil the desires of us both.

I want to feel his presence with me all the time. Be it a collar or a look, or a tone of voice, I know I belong to him. And I want to be no where else.

.........and so it goes

Things change day to day, and it seems minute to minute.
It is difficult to deal with change for a sub. We like some sense of stability. Some sense of continuity. When that changes, we are lost and spin out of control.

That spinning is dangerous to the sub's soul and has the ability to create bitterness and a coldness that never existed before. The sub then looks with suspicious eyes on everything. If we are lucky, we catch ourselves and work our way through it.
If we are unlucky, we fall to the ground and are shattered. Harder still to pick up pieces.

...........continues

When I look back on the journey many things come to mind. I am not the same person. I learned alot and lost a little of the polish.
What I remember most is the sheer ecstasy of the moments of perfection and the absolute pain of defeat.

Will I do it again? I don't know. There may be a Dom out there that can earn that trust and respect that I need to let go again. One that is strong enough to grasp me and drag me with him to hell and back. When and if I find him, I will think about it.
Just kidding...... if I found that, there would be no stopping me.

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Fear.

We have all had moments of wonderful ecstasy and moments of utter defeat. Once you commit, the need to is momentarily taken care of, but it requires daily nourishment. Without that , the doubts, the unsettled feelings take over and if not stopped in their tracks, destroy the devotion.

Fear.

Should that stop us from looking for what we need, what we crave, No, but it does put a level of caution that may not have been there before.

Fear

Remembering failed relationships. Should that enter into it? Not always, but we are all victims of our past. We can learn from it and grow. Or we can repeat the same mistake over and over. Or we can understand what is that makes us what we are, accept it and deal with it.

Fear

What if?  What if I am not good enough? What if I am too good?  What a great name for a puppet, What If. We are human. We will make mistakes and we will fail. A strong relationship moves past that and grows stronger.

Surrender

Harder to do than it sounds. Let go of the fears.

Journey to a collar

A collar symbolizes  the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub are responsible for. It is a commitment one to the other. Many have likened it to a wedding ring, but it is more than that. The sub making a decision that she will give her being into the hands of a Master, to use , to mold for the mutual benefit of both.
SO why a journey?

It is not something to be entered into lightly. Their is a great deal of responsibility involved for both the Dom and the sub.
It is funny, some people put more research into choosing a pet than in the person they commit to.

A collar is about commitment, a promise that Master and sub make to each other. A responsibility that each bears some burden in the relationship.

Love is ................

What is it that makes a day look brighter when you feel loved?
I am loved. What a warm and fuzzy feeling I have! And I wonder why I didn't feel it before.
I AM LOVED. I want to shout it out loud!

What is love? And what does it have to do with D/s?
Poets have defined love since the dawn of time. Well, they have tried. We have a lot of words we can use, a lot poems and stories to illustrate but it still somehow leaves one wanting.

Love is intangible, therefore trying to define it puts unwanted limits on it. It just is.

Look instead at the feeling you have, and that will help you. Feelings too, are hard to describe, but face it, you have a better chance at describing a feeling than describing love.

I am loved. Every thought begins with those words. Not consciously. But it colors the way I think, the way I relate to people, the way I choose to react. So it is there before each thought.

I am loved. I am safe. Again, those words run in the background of all I do and say. I FEEL protected and nurtured. I FEEL like there is a barrier between me and the "bad" things.

I am loved. I am safe. I am precious. Every thought is built from these words. I FEEL special and beautiful. No matter what I see in the mirror, or what someone tells me. I am special. I do not need anyone else to validate that.

The feeling is new to me. I never had it before. Oh I thought I did. But this is unique. I can use the word I. My thoughts, my needs, my wants are important. I am important.
Does He know He makes me feel that way? Yes, He does. I tell him and He sees it in me. He likes what He sees and rejoices in it. Is that not what a Master does?

Quotes

Don't you love quotes? I love to read words that make me think.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
Albert Einstein

Pebble in a Pond

I drop a pebble in the pond, then another.
Watching the ripples circle out slowly and sure
Separate yet touching and sometimes they are one
I wipe a single tear as it rolls down my cheek
I watch the circles spread and finally split apart
Each still moving, but slower
As if wanting to wait for the other
Each circle unbroken in its self
Yet knowing it is not complete
I toss another pebble in the pond
I watch the ripples spread

Strong Men

" Strong men simply need women. This will never be understood by weak men. A strong man needs a woman at his feet, who is truly his. Anything else is less than fulfillment. When a man has once eaten of the meat of gods he will never again chew on the straw of fools. "

Explorers of Gor

Now, this is not about Gor. I have nothing against Goreans, some of my best friends are Gorean. But I do like some of their quotes.
I like this one.
A Dom needs a woman as a sub needs a Dom. Some will say it is not a need, but a desire.

Why?

The day starts out well, and slowly falls apart. I seem to remember days like that before I knew I was a sub, so why do I blame it now on being a sub.

Why is it so hard to express my needs and wants and desires? Do I need to have a Master to do that? Why?
A Master should know his sub, every hair on her body, every need before she can even need it. How can He when I don't know myself?

Do I want too much? Or am I not good enough?

What happened?

What do you do when you are blindsided? When everything you believed is shattered?
You think you know someone. You think that no matter what, you will always care for each other.
You count on few things, but that is one of them. Then WHAM!

You get slammed with the truth. The truth that others have been telling you for a long time. You fought and denied and now you can't anymore. You have to face it.

What do you do?
As Rascel Flatts puts it "You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands.... then you STAND"
And that is what I did.

So You Think You are a Sub

You believe you are a submissive woman.

Everyone has a choice to make.

Submission is not sacrifice. Dominance is not absolute power. They are the compliment of each other and must bend to one another, conform and not overwhelm each other.

In order to have a place at a Master’s feet you must look into yourself and find what you have to give. And then discover if you are willing to give it.

You must have control over yourself and your actions. To do so, you must have some understanding of yourself, what you need and what you want. If you do not have control of yourself you cannot give it to another. This will be refined and change over time but first you must learn to control your emotions and your life.

You must have pride in yourself and know that what you are is  precious. You do not deserve less because you submit. You have a gift that in the hands of a Master will fulfill you. Be proud of what you are, but be sure to temper it with humility. 

You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not and do not compromise on this. You work at the relationship before you are offered a collar and accept this Dom as your Master.

You submit to the Master, you surrender to him. Submission is not turned on and off like a faucet. A sub chooses to submit to a Dom, not to each and every request. If she chooses not to submit there is no D/s relationship.

You have the right to expect 100% from the relationship. You have the right to be cared for and challenged to be the best you can be.

You have the right to a Master that will meet you with the same willingness to commit to the relationship.

You choose what you will accept. If it is in submission that you find completeness, then accept that you are a sub.

A Good Sub

A good sub, any good sub, will challenge, testing her boundaries, pushing & nudging. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle but she is ALWAYS tugging at her leash.

Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering,  but her learning. To comfort her with His strength

Submission 101

Is there really such a class? Think about it. IF it were offered in college, would anyone sign up for it? Admit they were interested in submission. You may get a few psych majors telling you they wanted to try to understand a sub and what drives her(him).
I know I would have (at that time in my life) dismissed the possibility that any woman would want to be submissive. But, I burned a few bras in my day, so that is be expected.
So how does one learn to be a sub?
There are many that say, it comes naturally like talking and walking. If that were the case, we would have no problem. One would know she was a sub and would know what she needed. End of discussion!

Being a sub is not easy, it is not like a cake mix, just add a Dom and mix ... instant sub! Are you willing to work? Read? Discuss? Listen? Make mistakes?  Then you may find out what it means to be a sub. It does not come naturally. Oh the need is there, we just have to put a name to it. But knowing how to express it, that is learned.
So Submission 101, what is it?
Well, I would start with having you look at why you think you are a sub, or what is interesting about a sub that makes you want to learn about it.

Care and feeding of a sub continued

Alright, we have a Master and a sub, he holds her power and uses it to create pleasure and fill her void, her empty spot.
But, there is still an emptiness. What does she do?
She might not realize this is the reason for that restlessness she feels, she may not know herself well enough.
She may feel it but chooses to "live" with it. After all, he is the Master, and pleasing him should be enough. She can live with a little empty spot and maybe fill it with a hobby. ( We can talk about that later)
She may decide she can't live with it, and waits for her Master to somehow recognize the need and "fix" it. After all he knows everything right? He can even read minds.
She can talk to him about it. Open her heart and soul and try to tell him how it feels inside, what she is missing.
 She can only do this if she knows what she needs and trusts her Master completely. Together, they can work to fill her completely and through that, increase his dominance over her.

Let's look at it from the Dom's view. He does not know his sub well , and never notices the restlessness. They muddle along, fairly happy and never knowing what they could have.
He may notice some behaviors that are troublesome. He thinks about it, and is not sure what it means. As he thinks about it, he thinks maybe her submission is slipping. He sits back and decides to wait and see what happens.
Or his sub comes to him and opens her heart asking for his help. What can he do? He has a decision to make at this point. He can ignore her pleas, and tell her to stop complaining. He notices the decrease in the power exchange but believes it is her holding back. He becomes unsatisfied with her and begins to withdraw from her, starting the cycle. The more he pulls away, the emptier she feels and the more she tries to get the increasing void filled.

Remember, if you are hungry it is hard to focus. Focus is what the Dom is craving.

Subs? are you expecting your Master to read your mind? Is there something in you that think this empty feeling is good for you? Are you taking control from your Master by not allowing him to use your power?
Masters? are you expecting the sub to take care of it her self? Do you think that ignoring it will make it go away? Do you tell her that it is her fault?

Ask yourself the hard questions. D/s is not easy. It takes a lot of time and effort. And the rewards are so awesome and powerful.

The Dom

This is a blog about submission, so why a posting about Doms? Well, think about what a sub is, the sub is a merely a story waiting to happen without a Dom. Should we not want the best author?
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure.  Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?

Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.

Which one will you feed?

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

Caring for a sub - the story of the Gun

There was this man,  he was fairly happy, busy,  had friends.
But he felt he lacked something in his life. He wanted something else so he took up a new hobby: shooting.
He talked to other people and listened to them and learned all the ins and outs, he delved right into it.  Then went out and bought a wonderful gun.  People told him he needed his own so he could really learn. 
He shopped around wanting the best, he found one that he liked. It fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was molded for him. It was the best they made, and he never did anything half way so he bought it. 
Holding it gave him such a sense of power, he would slip his hand around it and smile determined to learn how to take are of it and shoot it well.
It was the best and he worked with it and kept it shiny and well oiled. If you know anything about guns, you know you have to keep them clean and oiled  and you need to use them or they tighten up.
This man learned all this and he did the best he could with this gun til it was like the gun was a part of his hand when he would go out shooting.  He would feel it and took pride in the way it looked in his hand and how straight it would shoot.

For the longest time this man would shoot almost every day,  he loved it.  But as time went on he got busy and it became so easy there was no challenge any more,  he would go less and less and he spent less an less time with his gun.
More time passed and he spent little time shooting he still liked to polish his gun,  he was proud of it. It still fit into his hand but with a familiarity that he grew to take for granted.

He would still show it off to friends but more an more infrequently. And when he would go shooting, his mark wasn't as true. He was getting a little rusty from not shooting very much.
One day the man took his gun to a gun show to show it off. He stopped at the store on the way home when he got home it was raining. So he gathered all his packages up and made a mad dash for the door  slipped inside  and didn't notice the gun had fallen from his hands in the grass.

He put his groceries away and went about his day,  never remembering the gun.
Days went by,  then weeks,  and he didn't think about it.
By this time he, if he ever thought about it,  thought the gun was safely tucked in its place and he could get it when ever he wanted.

Months went by. Meanwhile the gun was laying on the dirty ground,  wet and it began to rust.
Neglected , the shine went off. Oh there were still some shiny spots  enough to attract a stranger that picked it up and tried to shoot it. It still worked, didn't look as good, but still worked.
He shoot it a couple times  then hid it behind a tree  intending to come back for it. But he never did,  the gun sat there still dirty and still rusting.

But now the bore was dirty too  and the rust was beginning to eat that away too. Another stranger found it and did the same thing
picked it up and shot it over and over and over.
Happy with it  he put it in his pocket.
But as he crossed the street it fell out  and the handle cracked as it hit the ground. and bounced into the grass.
He walked away , it wasn't worth anything broken.
One day the man decided to go shooting, he was bored.
So he went to the closet and grabbed the gun  but it was not there.
He was surprised and looked all over  trying to remember when he had it last.
He searched the house  then the garage and was ready to call the police to report it stolen when he decided to look in the yard for some reason.
And there he found it,  dirty,  rusted and broken  under a pile of rubbish. He looked at it amazed, the dirt and rust. Where was the beautiful shiny gun he loved?

He picked it up between two fingers not wanting to get his hands dirty and carried it into the garage not wanting to take it in the house.
It was too dirty. He looked at it disgusted that it was ruined. He felt disappointed that he couldn't see all the hard work he had put into it to make it so shiny.
He was shaking his head and cussing a little that such an expensive gun  allowed itself to get so dirty.
He forgot for a moment it was his property  and he had forgotten it
 all he saw was the dirty,  rusty broken gun.
He tried to shoot it but it didn't work it needed a re-bore.
He tossed it aside disgusted and walked away. Refusing to think about how it got in that condition. The next day he went out and tried to rub some oil over it,  got tired and quit  walked away hurt that it was not cleaning up so easily.

The next day he dropped it in a bucket of oil  thinking it would soak then he could work on it.
Now he told his friends what had happened  he said he didn't know how it got outside but he was trying to clean it up. He didn't think that he must have dropped it, just that the gun had somehow gotten into the mess it was in.
Some told him to not bother  it would never be the same
and never be worth anything  just toss it out.
Some told him oh no,  you can clean it up an with time and hard work it will be as good as new if not better , cause it will be well seasoned.

He really liked the gun so he kept trying but the oil didn't work he started to scrub it.
But that was such hard work an it was slippery from the oil and he couldn't hold it down.  (he didn't think to use a vice and lock it down )
Each day he grew more and more discouraged. One day in frustration he threw it against the wall, it fell  and it knocked some of the rust loose. Well he felt bad and picked it up he could see some of the shiny spots again  and he scrubbed harder.
But there were pits that he couldn't rub out. They were there to stay  and he was not happy about it.
He tried to shoot it and it would shoot  but not straight  but if he kept working on it, it would.
But he was discouraged and he tired of trying to clean it
and he wasn't sure he could ever shoot it again cause he didn't know if it would ever shoot straight again.

So he was in a quandary. He paid a lot of money  and didn't want to lose it.
But he didn't want to scrub it any more.
So one day,  he wrapped it in a cloth  and tossed it in the rubbish
 and walked away. He still thinks about it  especially when a friend asks him to go shooting.
He remembers the gun but  he remembers it rusty
 and dirty  and says no.
He needs to find a new gun before he can do that.
Meanwhile  a stranger comes by and finds the gun wrapped in cloth  and takes it home  and begins to rub it carefully,  a little at a time  and sees the shine come through and dreams of the day he can take it to the shooting range and try it out.
 the end

The Care and Feeding of a Sub

What is the day to day care of a sub? It is so frustrating to hear the same thing from sub after sub, they feel neglected.
Oh, now before you get your back up that a sub should be focusing on her Master, and if she was then she would feel fulfiled, listen to what I say.
Think about a D/s relationsip. It is a power exchange.  So what does that mean? Everyone has some power, in their thoughts, in their actions and in the way they approach life. A true submissive is a strong person, I don't mean strong physically, or emotionally for that matter. But strong in that she wants, needs to please... to make someone happy. And she is willing to allow someone to direct her in that direction. She also has needs, not all have the same needs. These needs make her feel fulfilled. This is not something she decides, it just is. She has an empty space inside her, a space that needs filled. She is willing to submit to a Dom, with the intent that HE will fill that space.
Selfish isn't it. Ofcourse it is, just as the Dom seeks a sub to fill his void, the need to control and dominate. Two people, each filling the void of the other.

What does it mean to be empty inside?

What does it mean to be empty inside? What does that do to a sub? Think about what a sub thrives on, the nurturing, the day to day care. Think about her need to please, and how that drives her.

What does it mean to be empty? Nature does not like a void. The sub, unconsciously will strive to fill that emptiness. There are many ways to do that  and some are not positive.

A sub is a strong woman, it takes a strong woman to surrender to a man with absolute trust. She has a driving need, a need to belong, a need to give of herself. Without that she drifts, searching and each step leads her to question herself, to try to understand her purpose.

The road she takes, may be healthy or may be harmful.

She will fill that void. The longer she waits, the longer she is alone, the harder it is to remember what she needs. It is like the man lost at sea... so thirsty he will drink sea water knowing it will hurt him. So is the sub's need to fill the emptiness inside. First she is strong and resolute. Convinced she will wait for the Master she needs. Then her mind wanders as the thirst gets worse, and she thinks maybe she doesn't know what she needs and looks for validation in someone else.
At some point, she is so open to abuse.
What does a sub need to do?

How Do You Start Talking About Submission?

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a Master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Ask yourself that sometime

A sub is made stronger through struggle

A fine sword is created by a Master. The steel is hammered and shaped after heated to a malleable state. The harder the steel the hotter the flame and the more hammering it takes.

After the sword is formed, it is normalized.  It is evenly heated and slowly cooled to remove any stress that may have built up in the forging. Some areas may have been heated more than others, some hammered more. If the stress is left there it could affect the tempering. It is a long careful process.

The last processes are quenching and tempering. it. Quenching hardens the metal so it can hold an sharp edge but in the process can make the steel brittle and it can break easily. To make the sword durable it is tempered. Exposing the sword to controlled heat just below the level of destruction, then cooling again and again.

Like a fine steel sword... stronger from the flame is the sub. The Master brings her almost to the point of destruction, tempering her and making her stronger. The sharper the edge more prized the sword becomes.

The sub, like a sword, becomes the possession the Master uses to refine his power and strength. The stronger the sword the more prized and the stronger the Master that wields the sword.

It (she) becomes the thing you cannot live without....


And if he's experienced, he'll do it so smoothly and competently, you won't even realize what's going on till it's over.

"He also derives a great deal of his enjoyment from what he can "get out" of his submissive, and that means being very concerned with her needs, wants, and desires."  COUNtess VelVEEta

What is real ? .... continued

Being real is knowing you are precious and accepting yourself and all the imperfections and quirks. Being real is accepting yourself.
Well now that is easy. Right!
When you have lived with the fear inside that I was not good enough to be loved for as long as I did, finding the real inside me was a difficult painful task. I had help, a Master that saw beyond the facade, saw beyond the fear and loved the real me. Oh, I fought Him! But he won, for a time.

I started out trying to learn about power exchange, and what that meant. Wow... still learning about that. Personal power. We all have it. We have power exchanges all the time. Every interaction with someone else is a power exchange, mostly minimal. We barely notice.
Alright, I can deal with that. Give a little, get a little. Then................
" you want what? All my power?"

What is real?

When I think back it seems that I was searching all of my life. Looking for something to fill a void I didn't know I had.
My life was good, I had a great family, was successful and educated, had a wide circle of friends and was financially stable. The person I portrayed was one of confidence and self assurance, while inside I was filled with insecurity and self doubt. I wasn't sure of anything but that I wasn't good enough.
I sought validation from everyone I knew. But it never was quite enough.

Finding SL opened a door, and I ran through it.

Submission. What is it? It is becoming real. Becoming real means accepting who you are and embracing it. For me that needed the help of a Dom.. a Master.

"A truly submissive woman is to be treasured, cherished and protected for it is only she who can give a man the gift of dominance." Dominique Aury

The journey begins....

Three years ago, I had no idea I was a sub. Or better yet, I didn't know that such a thing existed. Then I stumbled into Second Life. Led there by a friend, someone that knew I was looking for something in my life.
I almost didn't stay. In some ways it was boring. Then I thought .... how can people be boring? I just need to talk more. And I did, more and more. She introduced me to the BDSM world in Second Life (SL). I have to laugh now, but many a night sitting at the keyboard, I looked on astounded at things I didn't know or had never heard of. I came to the conclusion that even at my advanced age, I was quite naive.
Wow, I never thought that of myself, I had always considered myself quite the progressive thinker. Maybe there is a better word for it, but I was hooked. The more I talked, the more I learned and the more I wanted to know.

How do you start talking about submission?

Seems like a huge task, so much is already written about Domination and submission, do I have anything new to say? Anything that is worth reading?

I can't say for sure, but I do know this, I am a sub (submissive). What that means to me may be different than what it means to you, or another sub. I am still learning, still trying to understand what it means to be a sub. But more importantly, I am still trying to learn how to express my submissivness.
Ahh.... what does that mean?

I know there are articles written on protocol, on how to act, is that expressing what I feel inside? Anyone can follow the rules. And sometimes following the rules helps to get into the right mind set. It can also lead to some false assumptions that can cause some problems.

So what does being a sub mean?