So You Think You are a Sub

You believe you are a submissive woman.

Everyone has a choice to make.

Submission is not sacrifice. Dominance is not absolute power. They are the compliment of each other and must bend to one another, conform and not overwhelm each other.

In order to have a place at a Master’s feet you must look into yourself and find what you have to give. And then discover if you are willing to give it.

You must have control over yourself and your actions. To do so, you must have some understanding of yourself, what you need and what you want. If you do not have control of yourself you cannot give it to another. This will be refined and change over time but first you must learn to control your emotions and your life.

You must have pride in yourself and know that what you are is  precious. You do not deserve less because you submit. You have a gift that in the hands of a Master will fulfill you. Be proud of what you are, but be sure to temper it with humility. 

You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not and do not compromise on this. You work at the relationship before you are offered a collar and accept this Dom as your Master.

You submit to the Master, you surrender to him. Submission is not turned on and off like a faucet. A sub chooses to submit to a Dom, not to each and every request. If she chooses not to submit there is no D/s relationship.

You have the right to expect 100% from the relationship. You have the right to be cared for and challenged to be the best you can be.

You have the right to a Master that will meet you with the same willingness to commit to the relationship.

You choose what you will accept. If it is in submission that you find completeness, then accept that you are a sub.

A Good Sub

A good sub, any good sub, will challenge, testing her boundaries, pushing & nudging. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle but she is ALWAYS tugging at her leash.

Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering,  but her learning. To comfort her with His strength

Submission 101

Is there really such a class? Think about it. IF it were offered in college, would anyone sign up for it? Admit they were interested in submission. You may get a few psych majors telling you they wanted to try to understand a sub and what drives her(him).
I know I would have (at that time in my life) dismissed the possibility that any woman would want to be submissive. But, I burned a few bras in my day, so that is be expected.
So how does one learn to be a sub?
There are many that say, it comes naturally like talking and walking. If that were the case, we would have no problem. One would know she was a sub and would know what she needed. End of discussion!

Being a sub is not easy, it is not like a cake mix, just add a Dom and mix ... instant sub! Are you willing to work? Read? Discuss? Listen? Make mistakes?  Then you may find out what it means to be a sub. It does not come naturally. Oh the need is there, we just have to put a name to it. But knowing how to express it, that is learned.
So Submission 101, what is it?
Well, I would start with having you look at why you think you are a sub, or what is interesting about a sub that makes you want to learn about it.

Care and feeding of a sub continued

Alright, we have a Master and a sub, he holds her power and uses it to create pleasure and fill her void, her empty spot.
But, there is still an emptiness. What does she do?
She might not realize this is the reason for that restlessness she feels, she may not know herself well enough.
She may feel it but chooses to "live" with it. After all, he is the Master, and pleasing him should be enough. She can live with a little empty spot and maybe fill it with a hobby. ( We can talk about that later)
She may decide she can't live with it, and waits for her Master to somehow recognize the need and "fix" it. After all he knows everything right? He can even read minds.
She can talk to him about it. Open her heart and soul and try to tell him how it feels inside, what she is missing.
 She can only do this if she knows what she needs and trusts her Master completely. Together, they can work to fill her completely and through that, increase his dominance over her.

Let's look at it from the Dom's view. He does not know his sub well , and never notices the restlessness. They muddle along, fairly happy and never knowing what they could have.
He may notice some behaviors that are troublesome. He thinks about it, and is not sure what it means. As he thinks about it, he thinks maybe her submission is slipping. He sits back and decides to wait and see what happens.
Or his sub comes to him and opens her heart asking for his help. What can he do? He has a decision to make at this point. He can ignore her pleas, and tell her to stop complaining. He notices the decrease in the power exchange but believes it is her holding back. He becomes unsatisfied with her and begins to withdraw from her, starting the cycle. The more he pulls away, the emptier she feels and the more she tries to get the increasing void filled.

Remember, if you are hungry it is hard to focus. Focus is what the Dom is craving.

Subs? are you expecting your Master to read your mind? Is there something in you that think this empty feeling is good for you? Are you taking control from your Master by not allowing him to use your power?
Masters? are you expecting the sub to take care of it her self? Do you think that ignoring it will make it go away? Do you tell her that it is her fault?

Ask yourself the hard questions. D/s is not easy. It takes a lot of time and effort. And the rewards are so awesome and powerful.

The Dom

This is a blog about submission, so why a posting about Doms? Well, think about what a sub is, the sub is a merely a story waiting to happen without a Dom. Should we not want the best author?
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure.  Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?

Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.

Which one will you feed?

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."