Where am I going? Submissive without a Dom

The song keeps running through my mind.....

"Where am I going?
And what will I find?
What's in this grab bag
That I call my mind?

What am I doing
Alone on the shelf?
Ain't it a shame
But no one's to blame but myself

Which way is clear
When you've lost your way
Year after year?

Do I keep falling in love
For just a kick of it?
Staggering through
The thin and thick of it

Hating each old
Tired, trick of it
Know what I am,
I'm good and sick of it

Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run where it's foul
Run where it's fair
No matter where I run
I meet myself there

Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
Tell me why do I care?

No matter where I run
I meet myself there"
  (Sweet Charity)

So I meet myself there, always. No matter where I run, I still am me. I look at who I am, what I am pops up. I am submissive. Submissive to whom? Without a Dom, can I be submissive? Do I change when I am alone? Do I act differently?

Being submissive is in my nature, yet it is difficult to express that. I find myself at times looking around wanting to feel that submissive feeling I have known with a Dom. Is it the feeling I want? Yes, but it is more. It is the need for a Dom to care for me.

Subs need to be submissive. I need to be submissive. I find myself understanding more the term sub frenzy. I knew what it was, but didn't understand it. I have always had the luxury of holding out and waiting. But now, as  I feel these feeling bubbling inside threatening at some times to erupt like a flow of lava, I understand what it is.

I know how easy it is to fall in that rabbit hole. You know the one I mean. The one where you question all that you are and just want to feel. Perhaps I am slipping into it now, inch by inch. I look down into the dark and imagine. I need to be at the feet of a Dom. I need that feeling of his hand on my head. I need his voice shutting out the world.

So now what? Oh, how well I know the dangers. My rational mind tells me that in the long run, I will suffer if I don't take my time and learn to know and trust a Dom. My heart runs and jumps in his arms and says the hell with caution.

What do I trust? If I can't trust myself?

The dilemma we all face I suspect, at times. Hold on to my knowledge. That is all I can do at the moment. And take it moment by moment.