Questions?

 Questions aren’t rebellion; they’re often about understanding and deepening trust. 

A slave asking thoughtful questions shows they’re invested in the dynamic. Of course, timing and tone matter—questions might be reserved for a specific time or method, depending on the rules. 

But ultimately, a thriving M/s relationship is still a human one—questions help keep everyone on the same page.

A strong, confident Master should be able to handle questions and use them as opportunities to clarify, guide, or reassure. 

If questions are always seen as disobedience, communication breaks down. It’s healthier if the Master can differentiate between genuine curiosity or concerns and actual defiance. 

A bit of openness to dialogue, even in a structured way, can actually reinforce authority—not weaken it.

The Woodcarver

After a discussion last week many of us stayed around and talked about D/s and what it meant to us. The subject of Masters came up as it always does, and we bantered around what makes a good Master. Of course there were innumerable traits, and many opinions. This story was given to me by one of the Masters in the group. I liked and asked who wrote it. No one knew.... but here it is and thank you who ever wrote it.

The woodcarver
        Often, we hear the analogy of a Master as a creator of sorts, painting a masterpiece with the blank canvas of a slave who lays her life in his hands. Or we might hear of a Master as a potter, sculpting, molding the lump of clay into the shape he envisions. Many parallels can be drawn from those analogies to a story of personal growth under someone else's watchful eye- if you have not read the "Teacup", I highly recommend it. But, for some reason, those analogies never quite fit for me.
        The reason being, is that we are not all blank canvases, or identical lumps of clay. I can think of only a few people who would want to take the time to strip down someone so deeply that there are no distinguishing personality traits or features, and then create on top of a blank canvas. Rather, I see it more similar to a man who carves wood.

        The woodcarver has a vision. He determines what kind of wood it would take to accomplish his goal, along with other factors such as time, tools, and level of interest committed to making the vision a reality. He examines the selection of wood available, checking the history of the wood- has it been processed or seasoned? Is it damaged from prior use, and if so, can that be repaired? Is the piece strong enough to last once it is put to use? He looks at the grain, and imagines how it will look as a finished product. He fingers the knots carefully, determining if he will work around those or remove them, and whether it is worth the time he puts into it. Some areas will need more stripping, polishing, a steady hand carving to bring out the beauty, while other areas are fine as they are. Sometimes, he finds a piece of wood that has such personality that it doesn't fit his original vision, but he holds onto it just the same to see if he can find a use for it.
        As he works with the wood, sometimes the vision might alter slightly as he sees a change in the grain that was unexpected, or work to improve small flaws that he detects through his familiar handling of the wood. Some areas, he will strip quickly to get to remove the layers he does not want, yet in others, he knows that pressing too hard might break the wood in half. He works with what he has, patient but dedicated to his vision- the gradual shaping and polishing bringing just as much pleasure as the finished product will.

        My Master- when you took me in your hands, you played up the assets you liked, retooled the flaws you felt I had. You left the individual strengths that made me who I was and brought out the fresh untouched wood that lay hidden under all the outer rings. You discovered a beauty I never knew existed within me, my splintered edges smoothed by your handling. I hope that I will always remain a 'work in progress' that you take pleasure in honing. Thank you, Master.

A collar

                                                     

There are many kinds of collars. Steel, leather, sometimes pretty and delicate and even Velcro. Collars are begged , and given. Whether placed on the neck for a day or for a longer time, the very act has some meaning, the wearing of a collar is an outward show of something deeper.

Now I know there are those that take a collar or offer a collar with out thought or commitment. This is about the ones that view the collar as a commitment between Dom and sub

A Dom and a sub enter into an agreed relationship. They have talked and discussed. They have learned about each other and they are developing a trust.
A collar symbolizes  the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub have for each other.

It is a deep well thought out commitment. It symbolizes the need each have for the other, hers to serve , his to be served.

It is an outward symbol of something stronger.

Consider this quote: "With the collar you are compelled to obey me - without the collar you must continually choose to obey me. I want you to always choose to obey me, because without your free will I am nothing."

The collar is only a symbol. It is what it represents that is important. The commitment that two people have to each other.

What makes a Dom a Master?

What makes a Dom a Master?

It is taking responsibility for the well being of a sub. It is accepting the submission of one who gives her being over to him for safe keeping. It is accepting her for what she is, her smiles and tears, her joys and sorrows, her happiness and her pain, and looking at her, flaws and all and seeing a creature needing.

What makes a Master a good Master?

It is creating a place where His girl feels safe and loved, a place to grow and learn, a place where she belongs. It is focusing on her and her needs and slowly bringing them in line with his own. It is two two pieces of rope, coming together to form a knot, each still separate and together stronger than either could have been on its own.
It is searching and finding her joys and bringing them to new heights. It is searching and finding her fears and tearing them apart leaving room for more joy. It is discovering her thoughts and encouraging them to grow and grow. It is discovering her flaws and slowly helping her make the changes she needs to make to grow.

What makes a Master a good Master?

It is focusing on His girl and allowing her to focus on him. It is allowing her to serve him. It is using his power with hers and creating a force that takes each of them and combines them, and launching them into the world as one.

A few chosen words

Sometimes, a few chosen words can mean so much. As I said before, they have to be followed by actions. And when they are, there are possibilities.

What does a Dom see when a sub speaks? A chance meeting, a glance, eyes meet and a shock is felt. Does he know as well as she?

She sees in him possibilities. Possibilities of that unique relationship, that coming together that she dreams of, the intangible circle of completeness that she craves.

What does he see? Does he see her power? her longing to serve? Does he see the possibilities?

They meet, they talk and talk some more. Each probes and thinks, examines and engages the other. A relationship does not grow in a moment, but all it takes is a moment to start.

Speaking of Doms

So listen up Doms!!

I talk alot about what a sub wants an needs. That is because I have those wants and needs. What does a Dom want? I can only speculate I suppose.
A Dom wants to dominate. Oh that was easy.

What does that mean? He wants to take the will, the mind and the body of another and mold, bend, shape and use for his pleasure and her fulfillment. Does that sum it up? Am I on the right track?

Why? Because he can.

What does a Dom want and need? I can't say for sure. I can only speculate. He wants respect. He wants to know that his sub holds his wants and needs above her own. He wants to know he will be "taken care of".

WHOOOAAA!!!!!!!!

Taken care of? Does he want that? Is there a human being that does not want at some point to be taken care of?

I have been told that being with a sub can calm the mind. Being with a sub can free a soul, Being with a sub can inspire creativity.  Is this not being taken care of?

What is it that a sub does for him? Each one is different, each one is unique and only the two, Dom and sub can define the relationship.

It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master. Ann Rand

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Fear.

We have all had moments of wonderful ecstasy and moments of utter defeat. Once you commit, the need to is momentarily taken care of, but it requires daily nourishment. Without that , the doubts, the unsettled feelings take over and if not stopped in their tracks, destroy the devotion.

Fear.

Should that stop us from looking for what we need, what we crave, No, but it does put a level of caution that may not have been there before.

Fear

Remembering failed relationships. Should that enter into it? Not always, but we are all victims of our past. We can learn from it and grow. Or we can repeat the same mistake over and over. Or we can understand what is that makes us what we are, accept it and deal with it.

Fear

What if?  What if I am not good enough? What if I am too good?  What a great name for a puppet, What If. We are human. We will make mistakes and we will fail. A strong relationship moves past that and grows stronger.

Surrender

Harder to do than it sounds. Let go of the fears.

Strong Men

" Strong men simply need women. This will never be understood by weak men. A strong man needs a woman at his feet, who is truly his. Anything else is less than fulfillment. When a man has once eaten of the meat of gods he will never again chew on the straw of fools. "

Explorers of Gor

Now, this is not about Gor. I have nothing against Goreans, some of my best friends are Gorean. But I do like some of their quotes.
I like this one.
A Dom needs a woman as a sub needs a Dom. Some will say it is not a need, but a desire.

The Dom

This is a blog about submission, so why a posting about Doms? Well, think about what a sub is, the sub is a merely a story waiting to happen without a Dom. Should we not want the best author?
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure.  Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?

Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.

Caring for a sub - the story of the Gun

There was this man,  he was fairly happy, busy,  had friends.
But he felt he lacked something in his life. He wanted something else so he took up a new hobby: shooting.
He talked to other people and listened to them and learned all the ins and outs, he delved right into it.  Then went out and bought a wonderful gun.  People told him he needed his own so he could really learn. 
He shopped around wanting the best, he found one that he liked. It fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was molded for him. It was the best they made, and he never did anything half way so he bought it. 
Holding it gave him such a sense of power, he would slip his hand around it and smile determined to learn how to take are of it and shoot it well.
It was the best and he worked with it and kept it shiny and well oiled. If you know anything about guns, you know you have to keep them clean and oiled  and you need to use them or they tighten up.
This man learned all this and he did the best he could with this gun til it was like the gun was a part of his hand when he would go out shooting.  He would feel it and took pride in the way it looked in his hand and how straight it would shoot.

For the longest time this man would shoot almost every day,  he loved it.  But as time went on he got busy and it became so easy there was no challenge any more,  he would go less and less and he spent less an less time with his gun.
More time passed and he spent little time shooting he still liked to polish his gun,  he was proud of it. It still fit into his hand but with a familiarity that he grew to take for granted.

He would still show it off to friends but more an more infrequently. And when he would go shooting, his mark wasn't as true. He was getting a little rusty from not shooting very much.
One day the man took his gun to a gun show to show it off. He stopped at the store on the way home when he got home it was raining. So he gathered all his packages up and made a mad dash for the door  slipped inside  and didn't notice the gun had fallen from his hands in the grass.

He put his groceries away and went about his day,  never remembering the gun.
Days went by,  then weeks,  and he didn't think about it.
By this time he, if he ever thought about it,  thought the gun was safely tucked in its place and he could get it when ever he wanted.

Months went by. Meanwhile the gun was laying on the dirty ground,  wet and it began to rust.
Neglected , the shine went off. Oh there were still some shiny spots  enough to attract a stranger that picked it up and tried to shoot it. It still worked, didn't look as good, but still worked.
He shoot it a couple times  then hid it behind a tree  intending to come back for it. But he never did,  the gun sat there still dirty and still rusting.

But now the bore was dirty too  and the rust was beginning to eat that away too. Another stranger found it and did the same thing
picked it up and shot it over and over and over.
Happy with it  he put it in his pocket.
But as he crossed the street it fell out  and the handle cracked as it hit the ground. and bounced into the grass.
He walked away , it wasn't worth anything broken.
One day the man decided to go shooting, he was bored.
So he went to the closet and grabbed the gun  but it was not there.
He was surprised and looked all over  trying to remember when he had it last.
He searched the house  then the garage and was ready to call the police to report it stolen when he decided to look in the yard for some reason.
And there he found it,  dirty,  rusted and broken  under a pile of rubbish. He looked at it amazed, the dirt and rust. Where was the beautiful shiny gun he loved?

He picked it up between two fingers not wanting to get his hands dirty and carried it into the garage not wanting to take it in the house.
It was too dirty. He looked at it disgusted that it was ruined. He felt disappointed that he couldn't see all the hard work he had put into it to make it so shiny.
He was shaking his head and cussing a little that such an expensive gun  allowed itself to get so dirty.
He forgot for a moment it was his property  and he had forgotten it
 all he saw was the dirty,  rusty broken gun.
He tried to shoot it but it didn't work it needed a re-bore.
He tossed it aside disgusted and walked away. Refusing to think about how it got in that condition. The next day he went out and tried to rub some oil over it,  got tired and quit  walked away hurt that it was not cleaning up so easily.

The next day he dropped it in a bucket of oil  thinking it would soak then he could work on it.
Now he told his friends what had happened  he said he didn't know how it got outside but he was trying to clean it up. He didn't think that he must have dropped it, just that the gun had somehow gotten into the mess it was in.
Some told him to not bother  it would never be the same
and never be worth anything  just toss it out.
Some told him oh no,  you can clean it up an with time and hard work it will be as good as new if not better , cause it will be well seasoned.

He really liked the gun so he kept trying but the oil didn't work he started to scrub it.
But that was such hard work an it was slippery from the oil and he couldn't hold it down.  (he didn't think to use a vice and lock it down )
Each day he grew more and more discouraged. One day in frustration he threw it against the wall, it fell  and it knocked some of the rust loose. Well he felt bad and picked it up he could see some of the shiny spots again  and he scrubbed harder.
But there were pits that he couldn't rub out. They were there to stay  and he was not happy about it.
He tried to shoot it and it would shoot  but not straight  but if he kept working on it, it would.
But he was discouraged and he tired of trying to clean it
and he wasn't sure he could ever shoot it again cause he didn't know if it would ever shoot straight again.

So he was in a quandary. He paid a lot of money  and didn't want to lose it.
But he didn't want to scrub it any more.
So one day,  he wrapped it in a cloth  and tossed it in the rubbish
 and walked away. He still thinks about it  especially when a friend asks him to go shooting.
He remembers the gun but  he remembers it rusty
 and dirty  and says no.
He needs to find a new gun before he can do that.
Meanwhile  a stranger comes by and finds the gun wrapped in cloth  and takes it home  and begins to rub it carefully,  a little at a time  and sees the shine come through and dreams of the day he can take it to the shooting range and try it out.
 the end

The Care and Feeding of a Sub

What is the day to day care of a sub? It is so frustrating to hear the same thing from sub after sub, they feel neglected.
Oh, now before you get your back up that a sub should be focusing on her Master, and if she was then she would feel fulfiled, listen to what I say.
Think about a D/s relationsip. It is a power exchange.  So what does that mean? Everyone has some power, in their thoughts, in their actions and in the way they approach life. A true submissive is a strong person, I don't mean strong physically, or emotionally for that matter. But strong in that she wants, needs to please... to make someone happy. And she is willing to allow someone to direct her in that direction. She also has needs, not all have the same needs. These needs make her feel fulfilled. This is not something she decides, it just is. She has an empty space inside her, a space that needs filled. She is willing to submit to a Dom, with the intent that HE will fill that space.
Selfish isn't it. Ofcourse it is, just as the Dom seeks a sub to fill his void, the need to control and dominate. Two people, each filling the void of the other.