There has been a lot written about Doms and subs, trying to understand their inner workings. I am a submissive, so naturally I look closely at the sub view point and the needs of a sub. I understand the feelings and behaviors of subs.
Doms are still a mystery to me!
Oh, I did know that Doms have needs, the same as subs. But those needs are different. Or are they? Maybe not so different as they are met in different ways.
Most people need to feel loved and wanted. They need to feel needed and safe. The manner in which that need can be met is different for everyone.
A sub needs to surrender to someone who will dominate. Someone that will take charge, and take care of the needs h/she is aware of. Someone that will search for those needs h/she is not even conscious of.
A Dominant needs to control and dominate. H/she wants to be in charge, wants to take care of someone.
Sounds perfect right? So what doesn't work? Why are there so many broken collars?
Sometimes one "side" or the other is too overwhelmed. A sub needs so much, wants so much that the Dom's needs and wants are hidden in the journey of caring for her/him.
Or a sub loses her/his self serving her/his Dom. Being everything H/she wishes, anticipating wants and needs.
Both ways are dangerous. When one subjugates his/her needs for too long then something fails. At some point the Dom or sub feels used as opposed to taken care of.
Lack of communication contributes. It is important for a Dom as well as a sub to know and talk about their needs and wants. It is a mutual exchange of power that makes them both stronger.
