Some time ago I wrote a piece about safety....

"I have been thinking alot lately about what it means to feel "safe". There is the normal definition, free from fear of harm. So what does that mean emotionally? I can't answer that for others, only for myself.
Being safe means knowing. It means knowing I am loved. It is knowing I am wanted. It is knowing.
When I know, nothing is too hard."

I come back to that again, struggling to understand what it means. For me it means knowing, but the ways I know are so tenuous that maybe I do a disservice to myself. You read all the funny sayings on  the web about friendship,

Doesn't that apply to a lover, or more so to your Dominant? Being safe, not having to do or say something to be accepted.
We embrace that in a friendship, the honesty, the caring... why do we sometimes lose that when we enter into a relationship?
Oh, we start out that way. But over time, things erode it seems. And suddenly those silences are filled with "is something wrong?"

For me I know one killer of that safety is keeping things from me, it is sharing with another what used to be shared with me. I want to scream like a kindergartner "it is not fair!!! What did I do?" Because you see, that is what a sub does, a sub looks for fault in  herself. He is perfect, so she must have done something, or was not enough... and he had to get his needs met somewhere else.

And with that blame comes the guilt, Why wasn't I better? Why didn't I see? Why am I such a fool?
All the while wanting desperately for Him to tell her she is wrong, that she is still safe.

I wonder, is it a flaw in myself to want that safety of being the most important thing in my Dominant's life?

Respect

Someone reminded of that word today. Respect. What does it really mean?
The meaning is " a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements." So it started me thinking.

Being respected is something that we talk a lot about, and we always tote as a hallmark of a good relationship. What are we looking for? Respect as in admiration? Admiration for just being me? This feeling of respect comes from the persons abilities, qualities or achievements. Is it then possible to have respect for someone even if they can do something we dislike?
Do I respect the baseball player because he hit a record number of home runs, yet is a convicted of spousal abuse?

Respect for someone when entering into a relationship implies what?
You know the old adage when a guy is trying to have sex with a girl "will you respect me in the morning?" So if she does, will he still hold her to the same esteem as he supposedly does now? But is that true? I mean, if he would even entertain having sex with her when she is that concerned, is he showing respect?

Does love cause a different definition of respect?

You will hear someone say, "I respect you and therefore will not lie to you." How is that respect? Not to say that anyone should ever lie, but if the only reason I am not lying is that I respect you, does it make it okay to lie if you don't respect someone?

And what are the implications of respecting someone because of who they are or the office they hold? Does a wife owe respect to her husband because he is her husband? Or does a child owe respect to a parent simply because they are their parent? What about actions? Does that fit in anywhere?

And if we don't respect someone, can we learn to? Can they do something to gain our respect? Or something that will cause us to admire them? What if they do some things we admire and others we don't, do we still respect them?

It seems that all I have are questions, the answers may well lie deep inside. The feeling of respect is not something that can necessarily be seen outside of the relationship. The feeling of respect is something that we each feel on an individual level, and may differ from person to person.