Looking over the edge, I step back. My hands shaking as I turn and look at Him. Taking a step forward, I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.
I look down again and the view from this height is dizzying. I look back at Him, looking for what I am not sure. He smiles and nods His head.
I turn, and jump.
Straight into His arms. "Welcome home, " He says.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Strength lies with surrender
Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.
Not true.
They want to be told what to do all the time.
Not true.
They need someone to make them knee and kiss the boot.
Not true.
That they want to be treated poorly and humiliated and beat.
Not true.
What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.
It takes a thinking person to decide the course of his/her life. He/ She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. He/She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
He/She sees the process as a journey as does the Dom. A journey that upon acceptance of her submission, becomes his/her responsibility to direct. Notice I said direct! He/she is very much a part of the process. This is a journey they are both taking, together. They have a vision.
A sub is not weak. To take everything that you are and give it to another, takes strength of will and character.
Never underestimate the power of a sub.
It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome his/her fear.
"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
Audre Lorde
Not true.
They want to be told what to do all the time.
Not true.
They need someone to make them knee and kiss the boot.
Not true.
That they want to be treated poorly and humiliated and beat.
Not true.
What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.
It takes a thinking person to decide the course of his/her life. He/ She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. He/She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
He/She sees the process as a journey as does the Dom. A journey that upon acceptance of her submission, becomes his/her responsibility to direct. Notice I said direct! He/she is very much a part of the process. This is a journey they are both taking, together. They have a vision.
A sub is not weak. To take everything that you are and give it to another, takes strength of will and character.
Never underestimate the power of a sub.
It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome his/her fear.
"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
Audre Lorde
Friday, December 16, 2011
Trust Again - No not really
Time to look at trust again.
Trust is given? Trust is earned? Trust grows?
Or is it all of the above. You come to someone, you fall in love. When you look at them you see possibilities, and you have thoughts of what you want and need from them. But trust? We assume that is part of it. And as I have tried to say before, trust is expectations. But someone said something that made me think about that again, "It is not up to him to make you trust. You came to him with that trust and placed it in him." (thank you my friend)
The trust is mine, to give as is my submission. He can't make it, invent it, take it. I bring it and place it in his hands, and accept what he offers as he offers it without conditions. Then and only then am I open to the possibilities. Then and only then have I truly surrendered all control to him and his being. Then and only then can I belong completely.
Sometimes I feel like banging my head against a wall, why did I not understand this before? Because I was too busy hanging onto my trust, and my expectations.
Ouch.... rubbing my head.
It is my trust, my submission that I give. When I put conditions on what he needs to do or even be before I hand over that trust and submission, I set myself up for failure.
Does he need to make a nest for me to curl up in safe and warm ? I used to think so, not I am not so sure. He needs to have the strength and integrity to draw me to him, the open arms waiting. If the trust and submission are given, freely by me (and only I can decide if I have it to give) then the warm safe nest is there with two words, I Submit.
With that leap and that faith, he now has the power to know what I need.
Trust is given? Trust is earned? Trust grows?
Or is it all of the above. You come to someone, you fall in love. When you look at them you see possibilities, and you have thoughts of what you want and need from them. But trust? We assume that is part of it. And as I have tried to say before, trust is expectations. But someone said something that made me think about that again, "It is not up to him to make you trust. You came to him with that trust and placed it in him." (thank you my friend)
The trust is mine, to give as is my submission. He can't make it, invent it, take it. I bring it and place it in his hands, and accept what he offers as he offers it without conditions. Then and only then am I open to the possibilities. Then and only then have I truly surrendered all control to him and his being. Then and only then can I belong completely.
Sometimes I feel like banging my head against a wall, why did I not understand this before? Because I was too busy hanging onto my trust, and my expectations.
Ouch.... rubbing my head.
It is my trust, my submission that I give. When I put conditions on what he needs to do or even be before I hand over that trust and submission, I set myself up for failure.
Does he need to make a nest for me to curl up in safe and warm ? I used to think so, not I am not so sure. He needs to have the strength and integrity to draw me to him, the open arms waiting. If the trust and submission are given, freely by me (and only I can decide if I have it to give) then the warm safe nest is there with two words, I Submit.
With that leap and that faith, he now has the power to know what I need.
Change is in the air
Back again.
Life changes and with those changes we must change. We learn as we go along and hope the lessons are not too painful. Unfortunately they sometimes are and we are left with shattered dreams and we slowly pick up the pieces.
Sometimes we try to glue the pieces together, meticulously making sure each piece lines up perfectly and fits where it once was. But is that wise? After all, it was not strong enough to hold together the first time, putting it back together the same way may not be the wisest thing to do.
Sometimes we choose to sweep the pieces up and put them in a special box or container and set them on a shelf. We look at them each day, a little less as time goes on. The sadness is there, that it is not whole.
Sometimes we sweep them up and toss them in the trash. The pieces are shattered beyond repair. Now that may happen after we try to put them together , or after they have set for a while or as soon as it is broken. Either way, it is gone. Not to be retrieved and recreated.
Grieving for a time, then looking forward. The key is to learn to recognize when it is time to to glue, look at or sweep away.
Can we look back? Of course, we can and should look back, but from a safe distance. Getting too close is dangerous. we get drawn into the dream again. And we forget what got us where we are.
Time to move on, time to look to the future and the possibilities. Will there be moments where you want to turn and run back to where you were? Oh yes, more times than you will want to admit. But I leaned one thing, I was getting ready to move on for a long time, I just needed new glasses to see clearly.
Life changes and with those changes we must change. We learn as we go along and hope the lessons are not too painful. Unfortunately they sometimes are and we are left with shattered dreams and we slowly pick up the pieces.
Sometimes we try to glue the pieces together, meticulously making sure each piece lines up perfectly and fits where it once was. But is that wise? After all, it was not strong enough to hold together the first time, putting it back together the same way may not be the wisest thing to do.
Sometimes we choose to sweep the pieces up and put them in a special box or container and set them on a shelf. We look at them each day, a little less as time goes on. The sadness is there, that it is not whole.
Sometimes we sweep them up and toss them in the trash. The pieces are shattered beyond repair. Now that may happen after we try to put them together , or after they have set for a while or as soon as it is broken. Either way, it is gone. Not to be retrieved and recreated.
Grieving for a time, then looking forward. The key is to learn to recognize when it is time to to glue, look at or sweep away.
Can we look back? Of course, we can and should look back, but from a safe distance. Getting too close is dangerous. we get drawn into the dream again. And we forget what got us where we are.
Time to move on, time to look to the future and the possibilities. Will there be moments where you want to turn and run back to where you were? Oh yes, more times than you will want to admit. But I leaned one thing, I was getting ready to move on for a long time, I just needed new glasses to see clearly.
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