A Discussion on Focus

 Any one know the song by Toby Keith, I Wanna Talk About Me

            "I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about 
            I Wanna talk about number one, oh my, me my
            What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
            I like talking about you, you, you, you usually
            But occasionally, I wanna talk about me (me, me, me, me)
            I wanna talk about me (me, me)" 
                                                                                    (I Wanna Talk About Me lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing)

Does anyone else ever feel this way? I think it's actually a very common feeling. For anyone, it can be deeply distressing to feel like someone you care about never truly hears you.

As a submissive, though, it can cut even deeper when you feel like your Dominant never really focuses on you. In the beginning of a relationship, it's often the opposite. You feel like you're under a microscope. He wants to know everything about you—your hopes, your fears, your history, your triggers, your dreams. Every conversation feels meaningful because you're learning each other.

But sometimes, as time passes, that changes. The questions become less frequent. The conversations become shorter. You find yourself sharing less because it doesn't seem like anyone is really listening. You begin to wonder if your thoughts, your emotions, and even your struggles still matter.

In a D/s relationship, attention isn't just a pleasant bonus—it is part of what creates trust and security. Submission asks someone to become emotionally vulnerable. When that vulnerability is met with curiosity, consistency, and genuine attention, it flourishes. When it is met with distraction or indifference, it can slowly turn into loneliness.

I don't need to be the center of someone's world. I don't expect constant attention. But I do want to feel seen. I want to feel that, when I speak, the person I have entrusted with my heart is listening—not just to my words, but to what is underneath them.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't conflict or discipline. It's the quiet feeling that you could disappear for a while, and no one would notice the difference. That feeling can be heartbreaking, especially when the relationship is built on trust, vulnerability, and connection.

As a sub, what is our focus?, to please and serve our Master?  I think as a submissive we sometimes gain tunnel vision. We want to please, attend to and talk about our Masters and we forget ourselves and others around us.

The whole thing is focus .... where is your focus. We feel our submission so deeply when our thoughts are focused on our Master. We,  as subs are unique in some ways. We expect our Master to focus on us. 

Question? As a Master is it not our job to keep our sub focused? I agree, that focus is hard to maintain without your Masters support and help? As you grow deeper into your submission, focus becomes easier. 

Questions?

 Questions aren’t rebellion; they’re often about understanding and deepening trust. 

A slave asking thoughtful questions shows they’re invested in the dynamic. Of course, timing and tone matter—questions might be reserved for a specific time or method, depending on the rules. 

But ultimately, a thriving M/s relationship is still a human one—questions help keep everyone on the same page.

A strong, confident Master should be able to handle questions and use them as opportunities to clarify, guide, or reassure. 

If questions are always seen as disobedience, communication breaks down. It’s healthier if the Master can differentiate between genuine curiosity or concerns and actual defiance. 

A bit of openness to dialogue, even in a structured way, can actually reinforce authority—not weaken it.

Consistency

 Consistency is like the backbone of trust in a D/s dynamic. 

It’s not just about following rules; it’s about creating a steady rhythm where both partners know what to expect. When boundaries, rituals, communication styles, and even the structure of check-ins stay consistent, the submissive feels safe and the dominant feels stable in their role.

It’s less about perfection and more about showing up with reliability—because when things get intense (and they will), that consistency is what keeps the dynamic grounded and mutually empowering.

A submissive puts her trust in him to keep her safe. She listens to him and trusts that he will do what he says he will do. Follow-through is where a dominant’s integrity shines or falls apart. When a dominant says they’ll do something—whether it’s enforcing a boundary, supporting a need, or even delivering a consequence—actually doing it builds trust and respect. If promises get dropped, the foundation of safety can get shaky. So really, follow-through is the glue that holds the power exchange together.

A Master/slave relationship 

In an M/s setup, the structure’s definitely more rigid—the Master has authority, and the slave consents to that. 

But here’s the thing: even with that power exchange, the relationship still needs a foundation of care. A responsible Master doesn’t just ignore the slave’s well-being. Instead, they stay attuned to it—maybe not by giving equal decision power, but by ensuring the dynamic is safe, consensual, and sustainable.

 It’s about the Master leading with responsibility—so the slave’s emotional and physical needs are honored, even if the power dynamic is asymmetrical.

A woman can not submit if she is in survival mode

 Submission requires safety. 

Survival requires self-protection. 

Submission flourishes in safety, not in survival. When someone is fighting to feel secure, trust and surrender become much harder to offer.

When a submissive is in survival mode, the most noticeable change is often that her behavior shifts from trust-based submission to self-protection. From the outside, it can look like she's still "being a good sub," but internally, her motivation has changed.

While every person is different, there are common patterns.

She becomes very quiet.

She stops asking for what she needs. Instead of saying: "Master, I'm struggling."

She thinks: "If I don't say anything, maybe I won't make things worse." Silence becomes a form of protection.

She becomes hypervigilant.

She's constantly trying to read every text, every pause, every change in tone. Questions race through her mind:

• "Did I do something wrong?"

• "Is he upset?"

• "Am I not enough?"

• "Why is he pulling away?"

Her nervous system is scanning for danger instead of relaxing into trust.

She obeys—but without peace.

This is one of the biggest differences. Healthy submission often feels intentional and connected.

Survival-mode submission feels like: "Just tell me what you want so I don't disappoint you."

The behavior may look the same, but emotionally it's very different.

She stops bringing up problems.

Not because everything is okay but because she has decided they won't matter.

She may think: "He has enough going on.", or "I don't want to be needy.", or "I'll wait." or "A good slave shouldn't ask." Over time, this becomes emotional isolation. She begins to question her emotions and her own worth. 

She disconnects from herself.

She starts ignoring her own feelings. Instead of asking: "What do I need?" She asks: "What does he need me to be?" Eventually she may not even recognize her own needs or wants anymore. She questions her own thinking.

She overthinks everything.

A delayed response becomes evidence. A cancelled evening becomes proof. A short text becomes rejection. When you're in survival mode, the brain fills in missing information with worst-case scenarios because uncertainty itself feels threatening.

She becomes emotionally exhausted.

She may still smile. She may still call him "Master." She may still serve. But underneath she's tired not physically but emotionally. Keeping yourself safe all day takes an enormous amount of energy.

She loses her sense of security.

Submission requires believing: "Even if things are hard, we're okay."

Survival mode says: "At any moment I could lose this relationship."

That insecurity makes it difficult to relax into vulnerability. She is on guard all the time. 

She may become one of two extremes.

Some people become very clingy. They seek constant reassurance. They check in frequently fearing abandonment

Others become:

Very independent

"I don't need anything." Or when asked they say, "I'm fine." or "Whatever you want."

Ironically, both behaviors can come from the same underlying fear. 

---

What she is feeling inside

A submissive in survival mode often isn't thinking about obedience first.

She's wondering:

• "Am I still important?"

• "Do I still belong?"

• "Am I safe with him?"

• "Can I trust that he'll be there?"

• "If I tell him what I'm feeling, will he move toward me or away from me?"

Until those questions begin to feel settled, it's difficult for her nervous system to fully rest.

When a submissive starts protecting herself from the relationship instead of resting inside it, the dynamic has shifted. The goal isn't simply to restore obedience—it's to restore the conditions where trust feels possible again.

The Red Sundress

 Chapter One 

The day had been uneventful, she found her passion for her job waning when the note arrived by messenger. She smiled softly as she took the big brown envelope from the bored boy shuffling his feet as he pushed his bike helmet back from his face. His hand lingered out, waiting and hoping for that tip that she placed in his hand with a simple "Thank you" as she turned and slipped into her office closing the door behind her. Her heart pounding in her chest, she broke the seal and pulled the single sheet of paper out, the writing familiar and her hand slipped to her neck caressing the tiny band as she reads the words. 

As the day wore on, she pushes aside the remaining work and sits at the drawing table to look over the advertisements in the paper that will hit the streets tomorrow morning. But her mind drifts as the the words from the note float through her conscientiousness.

Chapter Two

The late afternoon sun cast a glow over the room as she prepared her bath, the water filling the tub fragrant and warm. Her thoughts were unfocused as her mind flitted from one thought to another unable to settle on any particular one. She glanced over at The Note, as she now thought of it, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Sucking in a deep breath, she became aware of the lengthening rays and the need to hurry came over her as she stripped off her dress and kicked her shoes to the side. 

Chapter Three

As she prepares her bath, she puts on some soft relaxing music and thinks again of the instructions. The water is scented with the fragrance that he prefers. The scent sends a tingle through her body, as it reminds her of his touch. 

She finishes undressing and slips into the warm water, sinking deep in the water. Her mind wanders. She feels the tension of the day slip away as she closes her eyes getting lost in the soft music and the heat of the water. With a slight shake of her head, she sit upright and finishes bathing, anxious to be prepared for his arrival. The very thought sends a shiver through her and puts a smile on her lips. 

 I am going to combine my interest in writing with my interest in photography and production. With the cooperation and help of a friend, I am recreating a story I wrote with pictures. Wish me luck, it is again a driven need to explore my submission and the emotions and feelings that accompany it. 

This hurts me more than it does you.

I am doing it for your own good.

I love you too much to hurt you.

All the lines we have heard in our lifetime, but what do they mean? Thinking about love, we want to love and be loved completely. That means that we want above all for the person we love to be happy. We want the best opportunities for them, the best possibilities.

So what happens when we make a decision that we know will hurt them? Are there ever good reasons to do that? Or do we use that line to justify the selfishness of our act?