Just maybe I will
Today
Find a ray of sunshine
to warm my heart
Just maybe I will
Today
Find a kind smile
to melt the ice
Just maybe I will
Today
Find a song
worth singing again
Just maybe I will
Today
Open my eyes, my heart, my mind and my soul
Again
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Where am I going? Submissive without a Dom
The song keeps running through my mind.....
"Where am I going?
And what will I find?
What's in this grab bag
That I call my mind?
What am I doing
Alone on the shelf?
Ain't it a shame
But no one's to blame but myself
Which way is clear
When you've lost your way
Year after year?
Do I keep falling in love
For just a kick of it?
Staggering through
The thin and thick of it
Hating each old
Tired, trick of it
Know what I am,
I'm good and sick of it
Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run where it's foul
Run where it's fair
No matter where I run
I meet myself there
Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
Tell me why do I care?
No matter where I run
I meet myself there"
(Sweet Charity)
So I meet myself there, always. No matter where I run, I still am me. I look at who I am, what I am pops up. I am submissive. Submissive to whom? Without a Dom, can I be submissive? Do I change when I am alone? Do I act differently?
Being submissive is in my nature, yet it is difficult to express that. I find myself at times looking around wanting to feel that submissive feeling I have known with a Dom. Is it the feeling I want? Yes, but it is more. It is the need for a Dom to care for me.
Subs need to be submissive. I need to be submissive. I find myself understanding more the term sub frenzy. I knew what it was, but didn't understand it. I have always had the luxury of holding out and waiting. But now, as I feel these feeling bubbling inside threatening at some times to erupt like a flow of lava, I understand what it is.
I know how easy it is to fall in that rabbit hole. You know the one I mean. The one where you question all that you are and just want to feel. Perhaps I am slipping into it now, inch by inch. I look down into the dark and imagine. I need to be at the feet of a Dom. I need that feeling of his hand on my head. I need his voice shutting out the world.
So now what? Oh, how well I know the dangers. My rational mind tells me that in the long run, I will suffer if I don't take my time and learn to know and trust a Dom. My heart runs and jumps in his arms and says the hell with caution.
What do I trust? If I can't trust myself?
The dilemma we all face I suspect, at times. Hold on to my knowledge. That is all I can do at the moment. And take it moment by moment.
"Where am I going?
And what will I find?
What's in this grab bag
That I call my mind?
What am I doing
Alone on the shelf?
Ain't it a shame
But no one's to blame but myself
Which way is clear
When you've lost your way
Year after year?
Do I keep falling in love
For just a kick of it?
Staggering through
The thin and thick of it
Hating each old
Tired, trick of it
Know what I am,
I'm good and sick of it
Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run where it's foul
Run where it's fair
No matter where I run
I meet myself there
Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
Tell me why do I care?
No matter where I run
I meet myself there"
(Sweet Charity)
So I meet myself there, always. No matter where I run, I still am me. I look at who I am, what I am pops up. I am submissive. Submissive to whom? Without a Dom, can I be submissive? Do I change when I am alone? Do I act differently?
Being submissive is in my nature, yet it is difficult to express that. I find myself at times looking around wanting to feel that submissive feeling I have known with a Dom. Is it the feeling I want? Yes, but it is more. It is the need for a Dom to care for me.
Subs need to be submissive. I need to be submissive. I find myself understanding more the term sub frenzy. I knew what it was, but didn't understand it. I have always had the luxury of holding out and waiting. But now, as I feel these feeling bubbling inside threatening at some times to erupt like a flow of lava, I understand what it is.
I know how easy it is to fall in that rabbit hole. You know the one I mean. The one where you question all that you are and just want to feel. Perhaps I am slipping into it now, inch by inch. I look down into the dark and imagine. I need to be at the feet of a Dom. I need that feeling of his hand on my head. I need his voice shutting out the world.
So now what? Oh, how well I know the dangers. My rational mind tells me that in the long run, I will suffer if I don't take my time and learn to know and trust a Dom. My heart runs and jumps in his arms and says the hell with caution.
What do I trust? If I can't trust myself?
The dilemma we all face I suspect, at times. Hold on to my knowledge. That is all I can do at the moment. And take it moment by moment.
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