Submitting

What happens in a sub's heart when she knows that all she is belongs to him? That moment when she knows He is the one that completes her.

Her soul demands her submission to Him. She wants to feel the weight of a collar around her neck. To know that this marks her as His.

She gives him her body, her mind, her heart and her all. In return He keeps her safe and warm. He protects the bud from the cold and disease and heat so that it may blossom and open to the flower that was meant to be.
She is like a caterpillar, eating her way through life waiting for the moment she is called.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.  ~Richard Bach

A collar

                                                     

There are many kinds of collars. Steel, leather, sometimes pretty and delicate and even Velcro. Collars are begged , and given. Whether placed on the neck for a day or for a longer time, the very act has some meaning, the wearing of a collar is an outward show of something deeper.

Now I know there are those that take a collar or offer a collar with out thought or commitment. This is about the ones that view the collar as a commitment between Dom and sub

A Dom and a sub enter into an agreed relationship. They have talked and discussed. They have learned about each other and they are developing a trust.
A collar symbolizes  the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub have for each other.

It is a deep well thought out commitment. It symbolizes the need each have for the other, hers to serve , his to be served.

It is an outward symbol of something stronger.

Consider this quote: "With the collar you are compelled to obey me - without the collar you must continually choose to obey me. I want you to always choose to obey me, because without your free will I am nothing."

The collar is only a symbol. It is what it represents that is important. The commitment that two people have to each other.

Strength lies with surrender

Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.
Not true.

Some will tell you subs want to treated poorly and ordered around, made to kneel and kiss the boot of the Master to fulfil some fantasy or need for humiliation.
Not true.

What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.

It takes a thinking person to decide the course of her life. She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
She sees the process as a journey. She has a vision.

It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome her fear.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
 Audre Lorde

A few chosen words

Sometimes, a few chosen words can mean so much. As I said before, they have to be followed by actions. And when they are, there are possibilities.

What does a Dom see when a sub speaks? A chance meeting, a glance, eyes meet and a shock is felt. Does he know as well as she?

She sees in him possibilities. Possibilities of that unique relationship, that coming together that she dreams of, the intangible circle of completeness that she craves.

What does he see? Does he see her power? her longing to serve? Does he see the possibilities?

They meet, they talk and talk some more. Each probes and thinks, examines and engages the other. A relationship does not grow in a moment, but all it takes is a moment to start.

Submission is given

Submission is a gift. It can only be given, not taken or demanded.

Let me explain, one can force someone to submit in the physical sense. Force one to obey through fear. But that submission drains power from the oppressor.

True submission is given freely and increases the power of the Dominant. Crucial to this is that the sub is made complete. Subs and Doms can and do live happily and fully. But the completion of the circle, submission given and accepted lifts both to a level that cannot exist without each other.

There is a catch. Once the gift is given, it must be accepted and cared for so that it may grow deeper and the circle become stronger. A ring, a circle, a collar.

The deeper the submission, the stronger the Dom and the stronger the complete circle.

What do subs dream of?

What do subs dream about? How many times am I asked "What do you seek?". How I struggle not to give pat answers, the easy ones.

What do I dream about?

I dream of that Master that sees the wonders of my soul. The Master that seeks the pleasure and the joy I will bring him.

I dream of that Master that will learn me and seek to fulfil my needs. The needs I am aware of and the needs I have not discovered yet.

I dream of that Master that will ferret out my flaws. He will bring them to the surface and lead me to confront each and every one.

He will not settle for anything less than all of me. It will be glorious, it will be painful and it will take me to places I have never been. And through it all, He will be there leading me, pushing me, and holding me when I need it.

Through it all, He will find pleasure in shaping and joy in the blossom.

Beyond My Best

You hold me in a world of love
Engulfing me with warmth
Taking me beyond all I know
Raising me beyond my best

Taking hold of my weaknesses
And turning them into strengths
Making me more than I could hope
Raising me beyond my best

You lead me through play and sceneing
The pain and love takes hold
Pushing my boundaries all the way
Raising me beyond my best

In life and in love my Master
Showing me how to cope
With what life has been dealt to me
Raising me beyond my best

Today and then tomorrow
Now and in the future
I know you will keep me growing
Raising me beyond my best

author unknown

Submissive Power

Submissive

Power

Two words that seem to not fit together. Submissive is to yield, if you yield you are not strong. A submissive yields as a choice, think about how strong that must make her. She knows she has power, she knows she has strength. Yet, she CHOOSES to yield that to a Dom. She takes her power and gives it to Him to add to the power He has so that they both can benefit. What amazing strength that must take to see that which we know we control, released and given over to someone else to control.

“In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.” Lao-Tzu

What is a sub?

I have been challenged to answer this, by one that does not think I am a sub. And he is right, I am not his sub.

What is a sub? What does it mean to me?

It means that I know who I am, that I know what I need and that I know have the power to fulfil my needs. Oh, then you might say, that does not mean you are a sub, you can do it alone.
No, that is not what I said, I said I have the power to fulfil my needs, and one of those needs is the need to surrender to a powerful man, a Dom.

It is a power exchange, I surrender my power to him, I give him what I am to mold to his will. But how is that fulfilling my need? I trust him, I trust him to learn what I need and with his power and mine combined to take care of my needs. I trust him to take my body, my soul and my mind to raise what we are separately to new heights.
It means I am vulnerable, it means opening myself to him to allow him inside. It means trusting him to take me places I may not want to be, but where I need to be. It means being there with me.
Wow, a lot of words and alot of work. Yes, it is just words until you have felt that feeling deep in your belly, deep in your soul that you belong to him and you will go where he will take you. Lot of work, lot of responsibility on both he and myself. And a lot of trust, I need to know that he has my best interest at heart, that caring for me is his priority because that is what gives him the greatest pleasure.

I give him my focus, my thoughts, my needs and desires. He gives me his control and with that control frees me to be the person I was meant to be.

Two sides to a coin. Without submission there is no domination. He needs me as much as I need him. The perfect symbiotic relationship at it's best. Does it always work that way? No, we are human, and we make mistakes. We let feeling rule sometimes and the little gremlins we all have inside.

But I trust that he will conquer that and take control. I trust that he will use me to fulfil the desires of us both.

I want to feel his presence with me all the time. Be it a collar or a look, or a tone of voice, I know I belong to him. And I want to be no where else.

.........and so it goes

Things change day to day, and it seems minute to minute.
It is difficult to deal with change for a sub. We like some sense of stability. Some sense of continuity. When that changes, we are lost and spin out of control.

That spinning is dangerous to the sub's soul and has the ability to create bitterness and a coldness that never existed before. The sub then looks with suspicious eyes on everything. If we are lucky, we catch ourselves and work our way through it.
If we are unlucky, we fall to the ground and are shattered. Harder still to pick up pieces.

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Fear.

We have all had moments of wonderful ecstasy and moments of utter defeat. Once you commit, the need to is momentarily taken care of, but it requires daily nourishment. Without that , the doubts, the unsettled feelings take over and if not stopped in their tracks, destroy the devotion.

Fear.

Should that stop us from looking for what we need, what we crave, No, but it does put a level of caution that may not have been there before.

Fear

Remembering failed relationships. Should that enter into it? Not always, but we are all victims of our past. We can learn from it and grow. Or we can repeat the same mistake over and over. Or we can understand what is that makes us what we are, accept it and deal with it.

Fear

What if?  What if I am not good enough? What if I am too good?  What a great name for a puppet, What If. We are human. We will make mistakes and we will fail. A strong relationship moves past that and grows stronger.

Surrender

Harder to do than it sounds. Let go of the fears.

Journey to a collar

A collar symbolizes  the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub are responsible for. It is a commitment one to the other. Many have likened it to a wedding ring, but it is more than that. The sub making a decision that she will give her being into the hands of a Master, to use , to mold for the mutual benefit of both.
SO why a journey?

It is not something to be entered into lightly. Their is a great deal of responsibility involved for both the Dom and the sub.
It is funny, some people put more research into choosing a pet than in the person they commit to.

A collar is about commitment, a promise that Master and sub make to each other. A responsibility that each bears some burden in the relationship.

Why?

The day starts out well, and slowly falls apart. I seem to remember days like that before I knew I was a sub, so why do I blame it now on being a sub.

Why is it so hard to express my needs and wants and desires? Do I need to have a Master to do that? Why?
A Master should know his sub, every hair on her body, every need before she can even need it. How can He when I don't know myself?

Do I want too much? Or am I not good enough?

So You Think You are a Sub

You believe you are a submissive woman.

Everyone has a choice to make.

Submission is not sacrifice. Dominance is not absolute power. They are the compliment of each other and must bend to one another, conform and not overwhelm each other.

In order to have a place at a Master’s feet you must look into yourself and find what you have to give. And then discover if you are willing to give it.

You must have control over yourself and your actions. To do so, you must have some understanding of yourself, what you need and what you want. If you do not have control of yourself you cannot give it to another. This will be refined and change over time but first you must learn to control your emotions and your life.

You must have pride in yourself and know that what you are is  precious. You do not deserve less because you submit. You have a gift that in the hands of a Master will fulfill you. Be proud of what you are, but be sure to temper it with humility. 

You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not and do not compromise on this. You work at the relationship before you are offered a collar and accept this Dom as your Master.

You submit to the Master, you surrender to him. Submission is not turned on and off like a faucet. A sub chooses to submit to a Dom, not to each and every request. If she chooses not to submit there is no D/s relationship.

You have the right to expect 100% from the relationship. You have the right to be cared for and challenged to be the best you can be.

You have the right to a Master that will meet you with the same willingness to commit to the relationship.

You choose what you will accept. If it is in submission that you find completeness, then accept that you are a sub.

A Good Sub

A good sub, any good sub, will challenge, testing her boundaries, pushing & nudging. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle but she is ALWAYS tugging at her leash.

Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering,  but her learning. To comfort her with His strength

Submission 101

Is there really such a class? Think about it. IF it were offered in college, would anyone sign up for it? Admit they were interested in submission. You may get a few psych majors telling you they wanted to try to understand a sub and what drives her(him).
I know I would have (at that time in my life) dismissed the possibility that any woman would want to be submissive. But, I burned a few bras in my day, so that is be expected.
So how does one learn to be a sub?
There are many that say, it comes naturally like talking and walking. If that were the case, we would have no problem. One would know she was a sub and would know what she needed. End of discussion!

Being a sub is not easy, it is not like a cake mix, just add a Dom and mix ... instant sub! Are you willing to work? Read? Discuss? Listen? Make mistakes?  Then you may find out what it means to be a sub. It does not come naturally. Oh the need is there, we just have to put a name to it. But knowing how to express it, that is learned.
So Submission 101, what is it?
Well, I would start with having you look at why you think you are a sub, or what is interesting about a sub that makes you want to learn about it.

The Dom

This is a blog about submission, so why a posting about Doms? Well, think about what a sub is, the sub is a merely a story waiting to happen without a Dom. Should we not want the best author?
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure.  Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?

Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.

Caring for a sub - the story of the Gun

There was this man,  he was fairly happy, busy,  had friends.
But he felt he lacked something in his life. He wanted something else so he took up a new hobby: shooting.
He talked to other people and listened to them and learned all the ins and outs, he delved right into it.  Then went out and bought a wonderful gun.  People told him he needed his own so he could really learn. 
He shopped around wanting the best, he found one that he liked. It fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was molded for him. It was the best they made, and he never did anything half way so he bought it. 
Holding it gave him such a sense of power, he would slip his hand around it and smile determined to learn how to take are of it and shoot it well.
It was the best and he worked with it and kept it shiny and well oiled. If you know anything about guns, you know you have to keep them clean and oiled  and you need to use them or they tighten up.
This man learned all this and he did the best he could with this gun til it was like the gun was a part of his hand when he would go out shooting.  He would feel it and took pride in the way it looked in his hand and how straight it would shoot.

For the longest time this man would shoot almost every day,  he loved it.  But as time went on he got busy and it became so easy there was no challenge any more,  he would go less and less and he spent less an less time with his gun.
More time passed and he spent little time shooting he still liked to polish his gun,  he was proud of it. It still fit into his hand but with a familiarity that he grew to take for granted.

He would still show it off to friends but more an more infrequently. And when he would go shooting, his mark wasn't as true. He was getting a little rusty from not shooting very much.
One day the man took his gun to a gun show to show it off. He stopped at the store on the way home when he got home it was raining. So he gathered all his packages up and made a mad dash for the door  slipped inside  and didn't notice the gun had fallen from his hands in the grass.

He put his groceries away and went about his day,  never remembering the gun.
Days went by,  then weeks,  and he didn't think about it.
By this time he, if he ever thought about it,  thought the gun was safely tucked in its place and he could get it when ever he wanted.

Months went by. Meanwhile the gun was laying on the dirty ground,  wet and it began to rust.
Neglected , the shine went off. Oh there were still some shiny spots  enough to attract a stranger that picked it up and tried to shoot it. It still worked, didn't look as good, but still worked.
He shoot it a couple times  then hid it behind a tree  intending to come back for it. But he never did,  the gun sat there still dirty and still rusting.

But now the bore was dirty too  and the rust was beginning to eat that away too. Another stranger found it and did the same thing
picked it up and shot it over and over and over.
Happy with it  he put it in his pocket.
But as he crossed the street it fell out  and the handle cracked as it hit the ground. and bounced into the grass.
He walked away , it wasn't worth anything broken.
One day the man decided to go shooting, he was bored.
So he went to the closet and grabbed the gun  but it was not there.
He was surprised and looked all over  trying to remember when he had it last.
He searched the house  then the garage and was ready to call the police to report it stolen when he decided to look in the yard for some reason.
And there he found it,  dirty,  rusted and broken  under a pile of rubbish. He looked at it amazed, the dirt and rust. Where was the beautiful shiny gun he loved?

He picked it up between two fingers not wanting to get his hands dirty and carried it into the garage not wanting to take it in the house.
It was too dirty. He looked at it disgusted that it was ruined. He felt disappointed that he couldn't see all the hard work he had put into it to make it so shiny.
He was shaking his head and cussing a little that such an expensive gun  allowed itself to get so dirty.
He forgot for a moment it was his property  and he had forgotten it
 all he saw was the dirty,  rusty broken gun.
He tried to shoot it but it didn't work it needed a re-bore.
He tossed it aside disgusted and walked away. Refusing to think about how it got in that condition. The next day he went out and tried to rub some oil over it,  got tired and quit  walked away hurt that it was not cleaning up so easily.

The next day he dropped it in a bucket of oil  thinking it would soak then he could work on it.
Now he told his friends what had happened  he said he didn't know how it got outside but he was trying to clean it up. He didn't think that he must have dropped it, just that the gun had somehow gotten into the mess it was in.
Some told him to not bother  it would never be the same
and never be worth anything  just toss it out.
Some told him oh no,  you can clean it up an with time and hard work it will be as good as new if not better , cause it will be well seasoned.

He really liked the gun so he kept trying but the oil didn't work he started to scrub it.
But that was such hard work an it was slippery from the oil and he couldn't hold it down.  (he didn't think to use a vice and lock it down )
Each day he grew more and more discouraged. One day in frustration he threw it against the wall, it fell  and it knocked some of the rust loose. Well he felt bad and picked it up he could see some of the shiny spots again  and he scrubbed harder.
But there were pits that he couldn't rub out. They were there to stay  and he was not happy about it.
He tried to shoot it and it would shoot  but not straight  but if he kept working on it, it would.
But he was discouraged and he tired of trying to clean it
and he wasn't sure he could ever shoot it again cause he didn't know if it would ever shoot straight again.

So he was in a quandary. He paid a lot of money  and didn't want to lose it.
But he didn't want to scrub it any more.
So one day,  he wrapped it in a cloth  and tossed it in the rubbish
 and walked away. He still thinks about it  especially when a friend asks him to go shooting.
He remembers the gun but  he remembers it rusty
 and dirty  and says no.
He needs to find a new gun before he can do that.
Meanwhile  a stranger comes by and finds the gun wrapped in cloth  and takes it home  and begins to rub it carefully,  a little at a time  and sees the shine come through and dreams of the day he can take it to the shooting range and try it out.
 the end

The Care and Feeding of a Sub

What is the day to day care of a sub? It is so frustrating to hear the same thing from sub after sub, they feel neglected.
Oh, now before you get your back up that a sub should be focusing on her Master, and if she was then she would feel fulfiled, listen to what I say.
Think about a D/s relationsip. It is a power exchange.  So what does that mean? Everyone has some power, in their thoughts, in their actions and in the way they approach life. A true submissive is a strong person, I don't mean strong physically, or emotionally for that matter. But strong in that she wants, needs to please... to make someone happy. And she is willing to allow someone to direct her in that direction. She also has needs, not all have the same needs. These needs make her feel fulfilled. This is not something she decides, it just is. She has an empty space inside her, a space that needs filled. She is willing to submit to a Dom, with the intent that HE will fill that space.
Selfish isn't it. Ofcourse it is, just as the Dom seeks a sub to fill his void, the need to control and dominate. Two people, each filling the void of the other.

What does it mean to be empty inside?

What does it mean to be empty inside? What does that do to a sub? Think about what a sub thrives on, the nurturing, the day to day care. Think about her need to please, and how that drives her.

What does it mean to be empty? Nature does not like a void. The sub, unconsciously will strive to fill that emptiness. There are many ways to do that  and some are not positive.

A sub is a strong woman, it takes a strong woman to surrender to a man with absolute trust. She has a driving need, a need to belong, a need to give of herself. Without that she drifts, searching and each step leads her to question herself, to try to understand her purpose.

The road she takes, may be healthy or may be harmful.

She will fill that void. The longer she waits, the longer she is alone, the harder it is to remember what she needs. It is like the man lost at sea... so thirsty he will drink sea water knowing it will hurt him. So is the sub's need to fill the emptiness inside. First she is strong and resolute. Convinced she will wait for the Master she needs. Then her mind wanders as the thirst gets worse, and she thinks maybe she doesn't know what she needs and looks for validation in someone else.
At some point, she is so open to abuse.
What does a sub need to do?

How Do You Start Talking About Submission?

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a Master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Ask yourself that sometime