Strength lies with surrender

Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.
Not true.

Some will tell you subs want to treated poorly and ordered around, made to kneel and kiss the boot of the Master to fulfil some fantasy or need for humiliation.
Not true.

What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.

It takes a thinking person to decide the course of her life. She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
She sees the process as a journey. She has a vision.

It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome her fear.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
 Audre Lorde

What is a sub?

I have been challenged to answer this, by one that does not think I am a sub. And he is right, I am not his sub.

What is a sub? What does it mean to me?

It means that I know who I am, that I know what I need and that I know have the power to fulfil my needs. Oh, then you might say, that does not mean you are a sub, you can do it alone.
No, that is not what I said, I said I have the power to fulfil my needs, and one of those needs is the need to surrender to a powerful man, a Dom.

It is a power exchange, I surrender my power to him, I give him what I am to mold to his will. But how is that fulfilling my need? I trust him, I trust him to learn what I need and with his power and mine combined to take care of my needs. I trust him to take my body, my soul and my mind to raise what we are separately to new heights.
It means I am vulnerable, it means opening myself to him to allow him inside. It means trusting him to take me places I may not want to be, but where I need to be. It means being there with me.
Wow, a lot of words and alot of work. Yes, it is just words until you have felt that feeling deep in your belly, deep in your soul that you belong to him and you will go where he will take you. Lot of work, lot of responsibility on both he and myself. And a lot of trust, I need to know that he has my best interest at heart, that caring for me is his priority because that is what gives him the greatest pleasure.

I give him my focus, my thoughts, my needs and desires. He gives me his control and with that control frees me to be the person I was meant to be.

Two sides to a coin. Without submission there is no domination. He needs me as much as I need him. The perfect symbiotic relationship at it's best. Does it always work that way? No, we are human, and we make mistakes. We let feeling rule sometimes and the little gremlins we all have inside.

But I trust that he will conquer that and take control. I trust that he will use me to fulfil the desires of us both.

I want to feel his presence with me all the time. Be it a collar or a look, or a tone of voice, I know I belong to him. And I want to be no where else.

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Fear.

We have all had moments of wonderful ecstasy and moments of utter defeat. Once you commit, the need to is momentarily taken care of, but it requires daily nourishment. Without that , the doubts, the unsettled feelings take over and if not stopped in their tracks, destroy the devotion.

Fear.

Should that stop us from looking for what we need, what we crave, No, but it does put a level of caution that may not have been there before.

Fear

Remembering failed relationships. Should that enter into it? Not always, but we are all victims of our past. We can learn from it and grow. Or we can repeat the same mistake over and over. Or we can understand what is that makes us what we are, accept it and deal with it.

Fear

What if?  What if I am not good enough? What if I am too good?  What a great name for a puppet, What If. We are human. We will make mistakes and we will fail. A strong relationship moves past that and grows stronger.

Surrender

Harder to do than it sounds. Let go of the fears.

So You Think You are a Sub

You believe you are a submissive woman.

Everyone has a choice to make.

Submission is not sacrifice. Dominance is not absolute power. They are the compliment of each other and must bend to one another, conform and not overwhelm each other.

In order to have a place at a Master’s feet you must look into yourself and find what you have to give. And then discover if you are willing to give it.

You must have control over yourself and your actions. To do so, you must have some understanding of yourself, what you need and what you want. If you do not have control of yourself you cannot give it to another. This will be refined and change over time but first you must learn to control your emotions and your life.

You must have pride in yourself and know that what you are is  precious. You do not deserve less because you submit. You have a gift that in the hands of a Master will fulfill you. Be proud of what you are, but be sure to temper it with humility. 

You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not and do not compromise on this. You work at the relationship before you are offered a collar and accept this Dom as your Master.

You submit to the Master, you surrender to him. Submission is not turned on and off like a faucet. A sub chooses to submit to a Dom, not to each and every request. If she chooses not to submit there is no D/s relationship.

You have the right to expect 100% from the relationship. You have the right to be cared for and challenged to be the best you can be.

You have the right to a Master that will meet you with the same willingness to commit to the relationship.

You choose what you will accept. If it is in submission that you find completeness, then accept that you are a sub.

A Good Sub

A good sub, any good sub, will challenge, testing her boundaries, pushing & nudging. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle but she is ALWAYS tugging at her leash.

Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering,  but her learning. To comfort her with His strength

How Do You Start Talking About Submission?

How can a woman whose entire natural instinct be to submit to a Master not submit to a man whose entire natural instinct it is to dominate?

Ask yourself that sometime

A sub is made stronger through struggle

A fine sword is created by a Master. The steel is hammered and shaped after heated to a malleable state. The harder the steel the hotter the flame and the more hammering it takes.

After the sword is formed, it is normalized.  It is evenly heated and slowly cooled to remove any stress that may have built up in the forging. Some areas may have been heated more than others, some hammered more. If the stress is left there it could affect the tempering. It is a long careful process.

The last processes are quenching and tempering. it. Quenching hardens the metal so it can hold an sharp edge but in the process can make the steel brittle and it can break easily. To make the sword durable it is tempered. Exposing the sword to controlled heat just below the level of destruction, then cooling again and again.

Like a fine steel sword... stronger from the flame is the sub. The Master brings her almost to the point of destruction, tempering her and making her stronger. The sharper the edge more prized the sword becomes.

The sub, like a sword, becomes the possession the Master uses to refine his power and strength. The stronger the sword the more prized and the stronger the Master that wields the sword.

It (she) becomes the thing you cannot live without....


And if he's experienced, he'll do it so smoothly and competently, you won't even realize what's going on till it's over.

"He also derives a great deal of his enjoyment from what he can "get out" of his submissive, and that means being very concerned with her needs, wants, and desires."  COUNtess VelVEEta

What is real ? .... continued

Being real is knowing you are precious and accepting yourself and all the imperfections and quirks. Being real is accepting yourself.
Well now that is easy. Right!
When you have lived with the fear inside that I was not good enough to be loved for as long as I did, finding the real inside me was a difficult painful task. I had help, a Master that saw beyond the facade, saw beyond the fear and loved the real me. Oh, I fought Him! But he won, for a time.

I started out trying to learn about power exchange, and what that meant. Wow... still learning about that. Personal power. We all have it. We have power exchanges all the time. Every interaction with someone else is a power exchange, mostly minimal. We barely notice.
Alright, I can deal with that. Give a little, get a little. Then................
" you want what? All my power?"

What is real?

When I think back it seems that I was searching all of my life. Looking for something to fill a void I didn't know I had.
My life was good, I had a great family, was successful and educated, had a wide circle of friends and was financially stable. The person I portrayed was one of confidence and self assurance, while inside I was filled with insecurity and self doubt. I wasn't sure of anything but that I wasn't good enough.
I sought validation from everyone I knew. But it never was quite enough.

Finding SL opened a door, and I ran through it.

Submission. What is it? It is becoming real. Becoming real means accepting who you are and embracing it. For me that needed the help of a Dom.. a Master.

"A truly submissive woman is to be treasured, cherished and protected for it is only she who can give a man the gift of dominance." Dominique Aury

How do you start talking about submission?

Seems like a huge task, so much is already written about Domination and submission, do I have anything new to say? Anything that is worth reading?

I can't say for sure, but I do know this, I am a sub (submissive). What that means to me may be different than what it means to you, or another sub. I am still learning, still trying to understand what it means to be a sub. But more importantly, I am still trying to learn how to express my submissivness.
Ahh.... what does that mean?

I know there are articles written on protocol, on how to act, is that expressing what I feel inside? Anyone can follow the rules. And sometimes following the rules helps to get into the right mind set. It can also lead to some false assumptions that can cause some problems.

So what does being a sub mean?