Funny word trust. We use it all the time. People throw it around like it was a penny. Has it lost it's meaning?
What does it mean? There are different kinds of trust. I trust that the sun will come up tomorrow. I trust that there is gas flowing from the gas pump.
What about the trust we put in strangers? I trust the cook in a restaurant to cook my food well. I trust the sales clerk to give me the correct change. (Some of you may count it every time, but I know most of you don't)
Then there is emotional trust. That is the one we talk about the most, the one we think about the most. What is it to trust someone? What does that mean?
We place something of ourselves in their hands. We let them in. Wait!! Let them in where? When we trust someone, we let them see our innermost thoughts and feelings. The ones that we don't show a stranger because we know that stranger would walk away. Well some thoughts aren't that bad, but you know what I mean.
How do we trust? Is it something the other person says? "Trust me." Is that all it take?
For some it is hard, it is like climbing a mountain to give trust. Why is that? Well they will tell you because their trust has been broken before.
So in reality it is not you they don't trust, it is themselves. We don't trust ourselves to make good choices.
So when we don't trust, who are we hurting? What do we miss out on?
I know, you can say that there is less pain that way. And I may disagree. Not trusting anyone, leaves one very lonely. Is that not painful? Look at the number of songs written about loneliness. Being alone hurts.
So, we trust someone. We share ourselves with them. We open our hearts and love them. We expect that they do the same. WAIT!! Who said anything about expectations???
Well isn't that what trust is? Expectations?
We trust someone, the problem comes in when we expect certain responses to that trust. And we don't get it. Then we say our trust is broken. But is it really?
"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be - and when they're not, we cry."
We gave the trust. We are the one that put conditions on it. When someone does not live up to those conditions, who has the problem?
I am not saying that it doesn't hurt. It really hurts alot when someone does not live up to what we felt they should. We take back our trust, and we are most upset with ourselves for ever giving it. It hurts. We lose faith in ourselves and we want the other person to take that blame. We need someone else to be the cause of the hurt we have inside. Does that make it easier? I don't think so. I think it makes the hurt linger longer.
So what do we do? Not trust? Without trust, we never really know someone. Without trust, we never really feel safe. Without trust, we never really grow.
Only you can decide if it is worth the risk to trust someone. Only you can decide.
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust neither can we find love love or joy"
Walter Anderson
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Submitting
What happens in a sub's heart when she knows that all she is belongs to him? That moment when she knows He is the one that completes her.
Her soul demands her submission to Him. She wants to feel the weight of a collar around her neck. To know that this marks her as His.
She gives him her body, her mind, her heart and her all. In return He keeps her safe and warm. He protects the bud from the cold and disease and heat so that it may blossom and open to the flower that was meant to be.
She is like a caterpillar, eating her way through life waiting for the moment she is called.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~Richard Bach
Her soul demands her submission to Him. She wants to feel the weight of a collar around her neck. To know that this marks her as His.
She gives him her body, her mind, her heart and her all. In return He keeps her safe and warm. He protects the bud from the cold and disease and heat so that it may blossom and open to the flower that was meant to be.
She is like a caterpillar, eating her way through life waiting for the moment she is called.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~Richard Bach
Saturday, May 21, 2011
The Woodcarver
After a discussion last week many of us stayed around and talked about D/s and what it meant to us. The subject of Masters came up as it always does, and we bantered around what makes a good Master. Of course there were innumerable traits, and many opinions. This story was given to me by one of the Masters in the group. I liked and asked who wrote it. No one knew.... but here it is and thank you who ever wrote it.
The woodcarver
Often, we hear the analogy of a Master as a creator of sorts, painting a masterpiece with the blank canvas of a slave who lays her life in his hands. Or we might hear of a Master as a potter, sculpting, molding the lump of clay into the shape he envisions. Many parallels can be drawn from those analogies to a story of personal growth under someone else's watchful eye- if you have not read the "Teacup", I highly recommend it. But, for some reason, those analogies never quite fit for me.
The reason being, is that we are not all blank canvases, or identical lumps of clay. I can think of only a few people who would want to take the time to strip down someone so deeply that there are no distinguishing personality traits or features, and then create on top of a blank canvas. Rather, I see it more similar to a man who carves wood.
The woodcarver has a vision. He determines what kind of wood it would take to accomplish his goal, along with other factors such as time, tools, and level of interest committed to making the vision a reality. He examines the selection of wood available, checking the history of the wood- has it been processed or seasoned? Is it damaged from prior use, and if so, can that be repaired? Is the piece strong enough to last once it is put to use? He looks at the grain, and imagines how it will look as a finished product. He fingers the knots carefully, determining if he will work around those or remove them, and whether it is worth the time he puts into it. Some areas will need more stripping, polishing, a steady hand carving to bring out the beauty, while other areas are fine as they are. Sometimes, he finds a piece of wood that has such personality that it doesn't fit his original vision, but he holds onto it just the same to see if he can find a use for it.
As he works with the wood, sometimes the vision might alter slightly as he sees a change in the grain that was unexpected, or work to improve small flaws that he detects through his familiar handling of the wood. Some areas, he will strip quickly to get to remove the layers he does not want, yet in others, he knows that pressing too hard might break the wood in half. He works with what he has, patient but dedicated to his vision- the gradual shaping and polishing bringing just as much pleasure as the finished product will.
My Master- when you took me in your hands, you played up the assets you liked, retooled the flaws you felt I had. You left the individual strengths that made me who I was and brought out the fresh untouched wood that lay hidden under all the outer rings. You discovered a beauty I never knew existed within me, my splintered edges smoothed by your handling. I hope that I will always remain a 'work in progress' that you take pleasure in honing. Thank you, Master.
The woodcarver
Often, we hear the analogy of a Master as a creator of sorts, painting a masterpiece with the blank canvas of a slave who lays her life in his hands. Or we might hear of a Master as a potter, sculpting, molding the lump of clay into the shape he envisions. Many parallels can be drawn from those analogies to a story of personal growth under someone else's watchful eye- if you have not read the "Teacup", I highly recommend it. But, for some reason, those analogies never quite fit for me.
The reason being, is that we are not all blank canvases, or identical lumps of clay. I can think of only a few people who would want to take the time to strip down someone so deeply that there are no distinguishing personality traits or features, and then create on top of a blank canvas. Rather, I see it more similar to a man who carves wood.
The woodcarver has a vision. He determines what kind of wood it would take to accomplish his goal, along with other factors such as time, tools, and level of interest committed to making the vision a reality. He examines the selection of wood available, checking the history of the wood- has it been processed or seasoned? Is it damaged from prior use, and if so, can that be repaired? Is the piece strong enough to last once it is put to use? He looks at the grain, and imagines how it will look as a finished product. He fingers the knots carefully, determining if he will work around those or remove them, and whether it is worth the time he puts into it. Some areas will need more stripping, polishing, a steady hand carving to bring out the beauty, while other areas are fine as they are. Sometimes, he finds a piece of wood that has such personality that it doesn't fit his original vision, but he holds onto it just the same to see if he can find a use for it.
As he works with the wood, sometimes the vision might alter slightly as he sees a change in the grain that was unexpected, or work to improve small flaws that he detects through his familiar handling of the wood. Some areas, he will strip quickly to get to remove the layers he does not want, yet in others, he knows that pressing too hard might break the wood in half. He works with what he has, patient but dedicated to his vision- the gradual shaping and polishing bringing just as much pleasure as the finished product will.
My Master- when you took me in your hands, you played up the assets you liked, retooled the flaws you felt I had. You left the individual strengths that made me who I was and brought out the fresh untouched wood that lay hidden under all the outer rings. You discovered a beauty I never knew existed within me, my splintered edges smoothed by your handling. I hope that I will always remain a 'work in progress' that you take pleasure in honing. Thank you, Master.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A collar
Now I know there are those that take a collar or offer a collar with out thought or commitment. This is about the ones that view the collar as a commitment between Dom and sub
A Dom and a sub enter into an agreed relationship. They have talked and discussed. They have learned about each other and they are developing a trust.
A collar symbolizes the trust, honor and respect that both the Dom and the sub have for each other.
It is a deep well thought out commitment. It symbolizes the need each have for the other, hers to serve , his to be served.
It is an outward symbol of something stronger.
Consider this quote: "With the collar you are compelled to obey me - without the collar you must continually choose to obey me. I want you to always choose to obey me, because without your free will I am nothing."
The collar is only a symbol. It is what it represents that is important. The commitment that two people have to each other.
Love is...............
“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
What does that mean?
Love knows no limit to it's endurance.
According to Webster, endurance is the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. To me that means that when all else fails, love goes on. When you are ready to give up, love will hold you up. When you are down on the ground, love will lift you up. We all are against you, love will protect you.
Love has no end to its trust.
What does this mean? So many say that once a trust is broken, it cannot be repaired. Love doesn't know the word irreparable. Once a trust is broken, love is what will lead you through the grieving and the forgiveness. Love will help you build the trust again. Love will let that trust stand stronger than it was before.
Love has no fading of it's hope. Hope is the the feeling that what is wanted can be had. Love holds hope and protects it.Where there is love, there is hope. With love, the hope that all things are possible is alive and well.
Love can outlast anything.
Love does not look at a watch or a calendar. Time has no meaning for love. Love is. Love always will be.
Love still stands when all else has fallen. Love is all these things. It is something two people share and nurture together. It sets no rules, no conditions. Love is..... and where there is love, there is a way.
What does that mean?
Love knows no limit to it's endurance.
According to Webster, endurance is the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. To me that means that when all else fails, love goes on. When you are ready to give up, love will hold you up. When you are down on the ground, love will lift you up. We all are against you, love will protect you.
Love has no end to its trust.
What does this mean? So many say that once a trust is broken, it cannot be repaired. Love doesn't know the word irreparable. Once a trust is broken, love is what will lead you through the grieving and the forgiveness. Love will help you build the trust again. Love will let that trust stand stronger than it was before.
Love has no fading of it's hope. Hope is the the feeling that what is wanted can be had. Love holds hope and protects it.Where there is love, there is hope. With love, the hope that all things are possible is alive and well.
Love can outlast anything.
Love does not look at a watch or a calendar. Time has no meaning for love. Love is. Love always will be.
Love still stands when all else has fallen. Love is all these things. It is something two people share and nurture together. It sets no rules, no conditions. Love is..... and where there is love, there is a way.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Strength lies with surrender
Some will tell you subs are weak creatures, unable to think for themselves thus needing someone to command them.
Not true.
Some will tell you subs want to treated poorly and ordered around, made to kneel and kiss the boot of the Master to fulfil some fantasy or need for humiliation.
Not true.
What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.
It takes a thinking person to decide the course of her life. She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
She sees the process as a journey. She has a vision.
It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome her fear.
"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
Audre Lorde
Not true.
Some will tell you subs want to treated poorly and ordered around, made to kneel and kiss the boot of the Master to fulfil some fantasy or need for humiliation.
Not true.
What is true is that subs are strong. Subs think for themselves. Subs make choices for themselves. And they choose to submit to a Dominant.
It takes a thinking person to decide the course of her life. She learns and questions each step of the way, never satisfied with a "pat" answer. She thinks, discovers and never stops wanting to know more.
She sees the process as a journey. She has a vision.
It takes a strong person to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up the deepest parts of her soul. To put aside past pain and overcome her fear.
"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”
Audre Lorde
Thursday, May 5, 2011
What makes a Dom a Master?
What makes a Dom a Master?
It is taking responsibility for the well being of a sub. It is accepting the submission of one who gives her being over to him for safe keeping. It is accepting her for what she is, her smiles and tears, her joys and sorrows, her happiness and her pain, and looking at her, flaws and all and seeing a creature needing.
What makes a Master a good Master?
It is creating a place where His girl feels safe and loved, a place to grow and learn, a place where she belongs. It is focusing on her and her needs and slowly bringing them in line with his own. It is two two pieces of rope, coming together to form a knot, each still separate and together stronger than either could have been on its own.
It is searching and finding her joys and bringing them to new heights. It is searching and finding her fears and tearing them apart leaving room for more joy. It is discovering her thoughts and encouraging them to grow and grow. It is discovering her flaws and slowly helping her make the changes she needs to make to grow.
What makes a Master a good Master?
It is focusing on His girl and allowing her to focus on him. It is allowing her to serve him. It is using his power with hers and creating a force that takes each of them and combines them, and launching them into the world as one.
It is taking responsibility for the well being of a sub. It is accepting the submission of one who gives her being over to him for safe keeping. It is accepting her for what she is, her smiles and tears, her joys and sorrows, her happiness and her pain, and looking at her, flaws and all and seeing a creature needing.
What makes a Master a good Master?
It is creating a place where His girl feels safe and loved, a place to grow and learn, a place where she belongs. It is focusing on her and her needs and slowly bringing them in line with his own. It is two two pieces of rope, coming together to form a knot, each still separate and together stronger than either could have been on its own.
It is searching and finding her joys and bringing them to new heights. It is searching and finding her fears and tearing them apart leaving room for more joy. It is discovering her thoughts and encouraging them to grow and grow. It is discovering her flaws and slowly helping her make the changes she needs to make to grow.
What makes a Master a good Master?
It is focusing on His girl and allowing her to focus on him. It is allowing her to serve him. It is using his power with hers and creating a force that takes each of them and combines them, and launching them into the world as one.
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