Relationship 101

I sure wish this was a class I could take. Relationships are so hard, then you throw in the D/s piece and you are creating a potential bomb!
Why are they so hard?
When we are young, there are so many questions and we get wrapped up in learning all we can about the people we become infatuated with. We want to know it all! Every breath they take! Every word becomes something to hang onto. This grows into love, and if it is the right one, this deepens over time. If it lasts, then we grow into each other. Growing into each other is something that takes time.
It means learning and understanding how and why a person reacts the way they do to a word, a glance, a situation or an argument. How much better would it be if we, ourselves, understood why we do such things.
But many times we don't and the other person, with time and understanding can help one learn and change the reactions. It is said that people that are in love and live together a long time begin to look like each other. I think that is true in the sense that the way they react to the world around them becomes similar. At best, they take the best from each other and incorporate it into themselves.

But what happens if it doesn't last? If it ends in pain or disillusionment. That happens. We can not always understand the needs of someone without the time it takes to know them. All the buzz words come into play.... love, trust, faith etc. We again react. Each failed relationship, whether it is a couple love relationship or not, leaves wounds. Some wounds heal quickly and leave a tiny scar easily ignored. Some leave large scars that are visible and yet others leave open wounds that don't completely heal. These are the ones to watch out for, because at some point they will infect any relationship. 

Entering into a relationship with someone with scars and wounds is a choice you need to think about carefully. It can be a mine field. It is romantic to think you can pick someone up and help them heal. The reality is that it is hard work and can be frustrating. It will push you to the limit of your own capabilities. The other thing to consider is that you can cause additional harm if you cannot see it through.
Learning to trust someone after you have been hurt is a process that means opening the wound and allowing it to weep then heal. If you start the process and then drop it, the wound is deeper. Again, think carefully before jumping into this role.

A lot to think about, and that is before you enter into the relationship. Then you want to throw in the Domination and submission piece.
Dominating a submissive with "baggage" is not something to be entered into lightly. It will test the Master in you every minute of every day. She will test you, challenge you and push the limits. It is not always a conscious thought, but a reaction to what she has experienced in the past. Remember she does not always know why she reacts as she does. She does not always understand why she feels as she does. And you won't either. So what do you do?
Look at the title, "Relationship 101", remember first and foremost it is a relationship that is being built. There is a lot to learn. You need to think of the reasons you wanted the relationship to begin with. For a moment, put on your Master hat and think about why she is reacting as she is. Is she testing? Is she challenging you as a Master? or does she even know? Is she confused and reaching out for any reaction from you. You may not have the answer, but somehow you need to put her in the position to discover the answer in herself. How do you do that?
For a sub that is reacting rather than thinking, she needs stability. Something to hold onto that is known and consistent. For some it is being held tight, for some it is being bound, it depends on the sub. (You may want to think of this before the meltdown and have a plan.) Then listen, and listen some more. Let her talk it through. Let her know you love her no matter what. Let her know you accept her no matter what. For a time, don't think about how it affects you. Focus on her and her confusion and needs. Is that hard to do? You bet cha! Impossible for some and the reason for so many dissolved relationships. Is it worth it? Well, you be the judge. Do you want the relationship? Do you want her?

Once the stability is established, you can back off and let her learn. Punish if you must, or if she needs it. Talk about what happened, and let her see what she did wrong. Now is the time to examine your reactions and why. Now is the time for her to learn which buttons she pushed and why. Now is the time for you both to smooth the hurt and grow from the experience.
One thing to remember, you are the Master. There is a reason she looks to you. If she could do it herself, she would not need you to do it. She needs you to take control and make it happen.

Did you think it would be easy? Does she have any responsibility to you, her Master. Yes, of course, she does. But you may need to remind her of that at first. She is still learning, she is still learning how what she does affects the balance in the relationship. She will learn through your guidance and care. Isn't that what you signed up for?