You believe you are a submissive woman.
Everyone has a choice to make.
Submission is not sacrifice. Dominance is not absolute power. They are the compliment of each other and must bend to one another, conform and not overwhelm each other.
In order to have a place at a Master’s feet you must look into yourself and find what you have to give. And then discover if you are willing to give it.
You must have control over yourself and your actions. To do so, you must have some understanding of yourself, what you need and what you want. If you do not have control of yourself you cannot give it to another. This will be refined and change over time but first you must learn to control your emotions and your life.
You must have pride in yourself and know that what you are is precious. You do not deserve less because you submit. You have a gift that in the hands of a Master will fulfill you. Be proud of what you are, but be sure to temper it with humility.
You must know what you are willing to accept and what you are not and do not compromise on this. You work at the relationship before you are offered a collar and accept this Dom as your Master.
You submit to the Master, you surrender to him. Submission is not turned on and off like a faucet. A sub chooses to submit to a Dom, not to each and every request. If she chooses not to submit there is no D/s relationship.
You have the right to expect 100% from the relationship. You have the right to be cared for and challenged to be the best you can be.
You have the right to a Master that will meet you with the same willingness to commit to the relationship.
You choose what you will accept. If it is in submission that you find completeness, then accept that you are a sub.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Good Sub
A good sub, any good sub, will challenge, testing her boundaries, pushing & nudging. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle but she is ALWAYS tugging at her leash.
Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering, but her learning. To comfort her with His strength
Needing to feel the resistance, to know the leash is held.. Why ? .. because it makes her feel safe. If You let the leash go slack, she will slip away. If You yank it too hard, she will choke and die. It is a simple, constant tension, that defines a Man as a Master. It is not empty vapid threats and stomping off like a child. It is the passing of a look of disapproval, a subtle graceful thing that a Master does as an act of love. When she yanks hard, He does not yank back as hard as He can. If anything He shows her in His calm grasp that He is merciful and could do worse. If He punishes her, it is not out of revenge, but out of love. Desire not to see her suffering, but her learning. To comfort her with His strength
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Submission 101
Is there really such a class? Think about it. IF it were offered in college, would anyone sign up for it? Admit they were interested in submission. You may get a few psych majors telling you they wanted to try to understand a sub and what drives her(him).
I know I would have (at that time in my life) dismissed the possibility that any woman would want to be submissive. But, I burned a few bras in my day, so that is be expected.
So how does one learn to be a sub?
There are many that say, it comes naturally like talking and walking. If that were the case, we would have no problem. One would know she was a sub and would know what she needed. End of discussion!
Being a sub is not easy, it is not like a cake mix, just add a Dom and mix ... instant sub! Are you willing to work? Read? Discuss? Listen? Make mistakes? Then you may find out what it means to be a sub. It does not come naturally. Oh the need is there, we just have to put a name to it. But knowing how to express it, that is learned.
So Submission 101, what is it?
Well, I would start with having you look at why you think you are a sub, or what is interesting about a sub that makes you want to learn about it.
I know I would have (at that time in my life) dismissed the possibility that any woman would want to be submissive. But, I burned a few bras in my day, so that is be expected.
So how does one learn to be a sub?
There are many that say, it comes naturally like talking and walking. If that were the case, we would have no problem. One would know she was a sub and would know what she needed. End of discussion!
Being a sub is not easy, it is not like a cake mix, just add a Dom and mix ... instant sub! Are you willing to work? Read? Discuss? Listen? Make mistakes? Then you may find out what it means to be a sub. It does not come naturally. Oh the need is there, we just have to put a name to it. But knowing how to express it, that is learned.
So Submission 101, what is it?
Well, I would start with having you look at why you think you are a sub, or what is interesting about a sub that makes you want to learn about it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Care and feeding of a sub continued
Alright, we have a Master and a sub, he holds her power and uses it to create pleasure and fill her void, her empty spot.
But, there is still an emptiness. What does she do?
She might not realize this is the reason for that restlessness she feels, she may not know herself well enough.
She may feel it but chooses to "live" with it. After all, he is the Master, and pleasing him should be enough. She can live with a little empty spot and maybe fill it with a hobby. ( We can talk about that later)
She may decide she can't live with it, and waits for her Master to somehow recognize the need and "fix" it. After all he knows everything right? He can even read minds.
She can talk to him about it. Open her heart and soul and try to tell him how it feels inside, what she is missing.
She can only do this if she knows what she needs and trusts her Master completely. Together, they can work to fill her completely and through that, increase his dominance over her.
Let's look at it from the Dom's view. He does not know his sub well , and never notices the restlessness. They muddle along, fairly happy and never knowing what they could have.
He may notice some behaviors that are troublesome. He thinks about it, and is not sure what it means. As he thinks about it, he thinks maybe her submission is slipping. He sits back and decides to wait and see what happens.
Or his sub comes to him and opens her heart asking for his help. What can he do? He has a decision to make at this point. He can ignore her pleas, and tell her to stop complaining. He notices the decrease in the power exchange but believes it is her holding back. He becomes unsatisfied with her and begins to withdraw from her, starting the cycle. The more he pulls away, the emptier she feels and the more she tries to get the increasing void filled.
Remember, if you are hungry it is hard to focus. Focus is what the Dom is craving.
Subs? are you expecting your Master to read your mind? Is there something in you that think this empty feeling is good for you? Are you taking control from your Master by not allowing him to use your power?
Masters? are you expecting the sub to take care of it her self? Do you think that ignoring it will make it go away? Do you tell her that it is her fault?
Ask yourself the hard questions. D/s is not easy. It takes a lot of time and effort. And the rewards are so awesome and powerful.
But, there is still an emptiness. What does she do?
She might not realize this is the reason for that restlessness she feels, she may not know herself well enough.
She may feel it but chooses to "live" with it. After all, he is the Master, and pleasing him should be enough. She can live with a little empty spot and maybe fill it with a hobby. ( We can talk about that later)
She may decide she can't live with it, and waits for her Master to somehow recognize the need and "fix" it. After all he knows everything right? He can even read minds.
She can talk to him about it. Open her heart and soul and try to tell him how it feels inside, what she is missing.
She can only do this if she knows what she needs and trusts her Master completely. Together, they can work to fill her completely and through that, increase his dominance over her.
Let's look at it from the Dom's view. He does not know his sub well , and never notices the restlessness. They muddle along, fairly happy and never knowing what they could have.
He may notice some behaviors that are troublesome. He thinks about it, and is not sure what it means. As he thinks about it, he thinks maybe her submission is slipping. He sits back and decides to wait and see what happens.
Or his sub comes to him and opens her heart asking for his help. What can he do? He has a decision to make at this point. He can ignore her pleas, and tell her to stop complaining. He notices the decrease in the power exchange but believes it is her holding back. He becomes unsatisfied with her and begins to withdraw from her, starting the cycle. The more he pulls away, the emptier she feels and the more she tries to get the increasing void filled.
Remember, if you are hungry it is hard to focus. Focus is what the Dom is craving.
Subs? are you expecting your Master to read your mind? Is there something in you that think this empty feeling is good for you? Are you taking control from your Master by not allowing him to use your power?
Masters? are you expecting the sub to take care of it her self? Do you think that ignoring it will make it go away? Do you tell her that it is her fault?
Ask yourself the hard questions. D/s is not easy. It takes a lot of time and effort. And the rewards are so awesome and powerful.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Dom
This is a blog about submission, so why a posting about Doms? Well, think about what a sub is, the sub is a merely a story waiting to happen without a Dom. Should we not want the best author?
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure. Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?
Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.
A sub is a fragile soul, one that seeks to be cared for and part of that caring involves allowing her to please. Who better to accomplish that but a Dom, two sides of the same coin.
Are there needs so very different? On the surface a Dom and sub seek opposite things from the relationship. He wants to control, she wants controlled. He wants to use, she wants to be used. He wants to own, she wants to be owned.
Look at what the sub wants, she wants to be controlled. Why? Being controlled speaks to her soul, she is cared for and special enough for someone to take time to control what she does and says. And the Dom? What does he feel when he is in control, when someone gives him the power to control her actions and words, her body and mind? Does he not feel special? Does he not feel cared for?
A sub wants to be used. She needs to allow her mind and body to please another, for it is in this way she feels the greatest power. And a Dom? He uses, to use her power and to increase his pleasure. Does he feel pleasure also knowing he is allowing her to please?
He owns her, and in owning fulfills her need to belong. Does he gain a sense of belonging also?
Two sides to one coin, each dependent on the other. Each incomplete without the other.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Which one will you feed?
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.
I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Caring for a sub - the story of the Gun
There was this man, he was fairly happy, busy, had friends.
But he felt he lacked something in his life. He wanted something else so he took up a new hobby: shooting.
He talked to other people and listened to them and learned all the ins and outs, he delved right into it. Then went out and bought a wonderful gun. People told him he needed his own so he could really learn.
He shopped around wanting the best, he found one that he liked. It fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was molded for him. It was the best they made, and he never did anything half way so he bought it.
Holding it gave him such a sense of power, he would slip his hand around it and smile determined to learn how to take are of it and shoot it well.
It was the best and he worked with it and kept it shiny and well oiled. If you know anything about guns, you know you have to keep them clean and oiled and you need to use them or they tighten up.
This man learned all this and he did the best he could with this gun til it was like the gun was a part of his hand when he would go out shooting. He would feel it and took pride in the way it looked in his hand and how straight it would shoot.
For the longest time this man would shoot almost every day, he loved it. But as time went on he got busy and it became so easy there was no challenge any more, he would go less and less and he spent less an less time with his gun.
More time passed and he spent little time shooting he still liked to polish his gun, he was proud of it. It still fit into his hand but with a familiarity that he grew to take for granted.
He would still show it off to friends but more an more infrequently. And when he would go shooting, his mark wasn't as true. He was getting a little rusty from not shooting very much.
One day the man took his gun to a gun show to show it off. He stopped at the store on the way home when he got home it was raining. So he gathered all his packages up and made a mad dash for the door slipped inside and didn't notice the gun had fallen from his hands in the grass.
He put his groceries away and went about his day, never remembering the gun.
Days went by, then weeks, and he didn't think about it.
By this time he, if he ever thought about it, thought the gun was safely tucked in its place and he could get it when ever he wanted.
Months went by. Meanwhile the gun was laying on the dirty ground, wet and it began to rust.
Neglected , the shine went off. Oh there were still some shiny spots enough to attract a stranger that picked it up and tried to shoot it. It still worked, didn't look as good, but still worked.
He shoot it a couple times then hid it behind a tree intending to come back for it. But he never did, the gun sat there still dirty and still rusting.
But now the bore was dirty too and the rust was beginning to eat that away too. Another stranger found it and did the same thing
picked it up and shot it over and over and over.
Happy with it he put it in his pocket.
But as he crossed the street it fell out and the handle cracked as it hit the ground. and bounced into the grass.
He walked away , it wasn't worth anything broken.
One day the man decided to go shooting, he was bored.
So he went to the closet and grabbed the gun but it was not there.
He was surprised and looked all over trying to remember when he had it last.
He searched the house then the garage and was ready to call the police to report it stolen when he decided to look in the yard for some reason.
And there he found it, dirty, rusted and broken under a pile of rubbish. He looked at it amazed, the dirt and rust. Where was the beautiful shiny gun he loved?
He picked it up between two fingers not wanting to get his hands dirty and carried it into the garage not wanting to take it in the house.
It was too dirty. He looked at it disgusted that it was ruined. He felt disappointed that he couldn't see all the hard work he had put into it to make it so shiny.
He was shaking his head and cussing a little that such an expensive gun allowed itself to get so dirty.
He forgot for a moment it was his property and he had forgotten it
all he saw was the dirty, rusty broken gun.
He tried to shoot it but it didn't work it needed a re-bore.
He tossed it aside disgusted and walked away. Refusing to think about how it got in that condition. The next day he went out and tried to rub some oil over it, got tired and quit walked away hurt that it was not cleaning up so easily.
The next day he dropped it in a bucket of oil thinking it would soak then he could work on it.
Now he told his friends what had happened he said he didn't know how it got outside but he was trying to clean it up. He didn't think that he must have dropped it, just that the gun had somehow gotten into the mess it was in.
Some told him to not bother it would never be the same
and never be worth anything just toss it out.
Some told him oh no, you can clean it up an with time and hard work it will be as good as new if not better , cause it will be well seasoned.
He really liked the gun so he kept trying but the oil didn't work he started to scrub it.
But that was such hard work an it was slippery from the oil and he couldn't hold it down. (he didn't think to use a vice and lock it down )
Each day he grew more and more discouraged. One day in frustration he threw it against the wall, it fell and it knocked some of the rust loose. Well he felt bad and picked it up he could see some of the shiny spots again and he scrubbed harder.
But there were pits that he couldn't rub out. They were there to stay and he was not happy about it.
He tried to shoot it and it would shoot but not straight but if he kept working on it, it would.
But he was discouraged and he tired of trying to clean it
and he wasn't sure he could ever shoot it again cause he didn't know if it would ever shoot straight again.
So he was in a quandary. He paid a lot of money and didn't want to lose it.
But he didn't want to scrub it any more.
So one day, he wrapped it in a cloth and tossed it in the rubbish
and walked away. He still thinks about it especially when a friend asks him to go shooting.
He remembers the gun but he remembers it rusty
and dirty and says no.
He needs to find a new gun before he can do that.
Meanwhile a stranger comes by and finds the gun wrapped in cloth and takes it home and begins to rub it carefully, a little at a time and sees the shine come through and dreams of the day he can take it to the shooting range and try it out.
the end
But he felt he lacked something in his life. He wanted something else so he took up a new hobby: shooting.
He talked to other people and listened to them and learned all the ins and outs, he delved right into it. Then went out and bought a wonderful gun. People told him he needed his own so he could really learn.
He shopped around wanting the best, he found one that he liked. It fit into his hand perfectly, as if it was molded for him. It was the best they made, and he never did anything half way so he bought it.
Holding it gave him such a sense of power, he would slip his hand around it and smile determined to learn how to take are of it and shoot it well.
It was the best and he worked with it and kept it shiny and well oiled. If you know anything about guns, you know you have to keep them clean and oiled and you need to use them or they tighten up.
This man learned all this and he did the best he could with this gun til it was like the gun was a part of his hand when he would go out shooting. He would feel it and took pride in the way it looked in his hand and how straight it would shoot.
For the longest time this man would shoot almost every day, he loved it. But as time went on he got busy and it became so easy there was no challenge any more, he would go less and less and he spent less an less time with his gun.
More time passed and he spent little time shooting he still liked to polish his gun, he was proud of it. It still fit into his hand but with a familiarity that he grew to take for granted.
He would still show it off to friends but more an more infrequently. And when he would go shooting, his mark wasn't as true. He was getting a little rusty from not shooting very much.
One day the man took his gun to a gun show to show it off. He stopped at the store on the way home when he got home it was raining. So he gathered all his packages up and made a mad dash for the door slipped inside and didn't notice the gun had fallen from his hands in the grass.
He put his groceries away and went about his day, never remembering the gun.
Days went by, then weeks, and he didn't think about it.
By this time he, if he ever thought about it, thought the gun was safely tucked in its place and he could get it when ever he wanted.
Months went by. Meanwhile the gun was laying on the dirty ground, wet and it began to rust.
Neglected , the shine went off. Oh there were still some shiny spots enough to attract a stranger that picked it up and tried to shoot it. It still worked, didn't look as good, but still worked.
He shoot it a couple times then hid it behind a tree intending to come back for it. But he never did, the gun sat there still dirty and still rusting.
But now the bore was dirty too and the rust was beginning to eat that away too. Another stranger found it and did the same thing
picked it up and shot it over and over and over.
Happy with it he put it in his pocket.
But as he crossed the street it fell out and the handle cracked as it hit the ground. and bounced into the grass.
He walked away , it wasn't worth anything broken.
One day the man decided to go shooting, he was bored.
So he went to the closet and grabbed the gun but it was not there.
He was surprised and looked all over trying to remember when he had it last.
He searched the house then the garage and was ready to call the police to report it stolen when he decided to look in the yard for some reason.
And there he found it, dirty, rusted and broken under a pile of rubbish. He looked at it amazed, the dirt and rust. Where was the beautiful shiny gun he loved?
He picked it up between two fingers not wanting to get his hands dirty and carried it into the garage not wanting to take it in the house.
It was too dirty. He looked at it disgusted that it was ruined. He felt disappointed that he couldn't see all the hard work he had put into it to make it so shiny.
He was shaking his head and cussing a little that such an expensive gun allowed itself to get so dirty.
He forgot for a moment it was his property and he had forgotten it
all he saw was the dirty, rusty broken gun.
He tried to shoot it but it didn't work it needed a re-bore.
He tossed it aside disgusted and walked away. Refusing to think about how it got in that condition. The next day he went out and tried to rub some oil over it, got tired and quit walked away hurt that it was not cleaning up so easily.
The next day he dropped it in a bucket of oil thinking it would soak then he could work on it.
Now he told his friends what had happened he said he didn't know how it got outside but he was trying to clean it up. He didn't think that he must have dropped it, just that the gun had somehow gotten into the mess it was in.
Some told him to not bother it would never be the same
and never be worth anything just toss it out.
Some told him oh no, you can clean it up an with time and hard work it will be as good as new if not better , cause it will be well seasoned.
He really liked the gun so he kept trying but the oil didn't work he started to scrub it.
But that was such hard work an it was slippery from the oil and he couldn't hold it down. (he didn't think to use a vice and lock it down )
Each day he grew more and more discouraged. One day in frustration he threw it against the wall, it fell and it knocked some of the rust loose. Well he felt bad and picked it up he could see some of the shiny spots again and he scrubbed harder.
But there were pits that he couldn't rub out. They were there to stay and he was not happy about it.
He tried to shoot it and it would shoot but not straight but if he kept working on it, it would.
But he was discouraged and he tired of trying to clean it
and he wasn't sure he could ever shoot it again cause he didn't know if it would ever shoot straight again.
So he was in a quandary. He paid a lot of money and didn't want to lose it.
But he didn't want to scrub it any more.
So one day, he wrapped it in a cloth and tossed it in the rubbish
and walked away. He still thinks about it especially when a friend asks him to go shooting.
He remembers the gun but he remembers it rusty
and dirty and says no.
He needs to find a new gun before he can do that.
Meanwhile a stranger comes by and finds the gun wrapped in cloth and takes it home and begins to rub it carefully, a little at a time and sees the shine come through and dreams of the day he can take it to the shooting range and try it out.
the end
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