"I have been thinking alot lately about what it means to feel "safe". There is the normal definition, free from fear of harm. So what does that mean emotionally? I can't answer that for others, only for myself.
Being safe means knowing. It means knowing I am loved. It is knowing I am wanted. It is knowing.
When I know, nothing is too hard."
I come back to that again, struggling to understand what it means. For me it means knowing, but the ways I know are so tenuous that maybe I do a disservice to myself. You read all the funny sayings on the web about friendship,
Doesn't that apply to a lover, or more so to your Dominant? Being safe, not having to do or say something to be accepted.
We embrace that in a friendship, the honesty, the caring... why do we sometimes lose that when we enter into a relationship?
Oh, we start out that way. But over time, things erode it seems. And suddenly those silences are filled with "is something wrong?"
For me I know one killer of that safety is keeping things from me, it is sharing with another what used to be shared with me. I want to scream like a kindergartner "it is not fair!!! What did I do?" Because you see, that is what a sub does, a sub looks for fault in herself. He is perfect, so she must have done something, or was not enough... and he had to get his needs met somewhere else.
And with that blame comes the guilt, Why wasn't I better? Why didn't I see? Why am I such a fool?
All the while wanting desperately for Him to tell her she is wrong, that she is still safe.
I wonder, is it a flaw in myself to want that safety of being the most important thing in my Dominant's life?
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