The beginning .... begins with an ending

There is an ending coming. An ending of my holding on to something that never really was. Something I dreamed of, something I cherished and yes loved.

I hold on, not to the memories but to what could have been. The memories we never got to build, to share. That is what I miss the most. Giving that up leaves a large hole in me. A gap between the me I am and the me I want to be.

Careful here, I want to fill it. But I am scared. I am alone and afraid of what will fill that gap. Creating it took so much pain and heartache. Am I strong enough to do that again?

Being a sub, I naturally seek someone to fill it for me. Someone to take care of me and make the hole go away. But I am smarter and stronger than that, than to just let anyone be my savior. There are many that want to, they have what I need they tell me. I am drawn to their words but inside I am saying ... no, don't trust again. Words are easy, actions tell it all.

Sub frenzy they call it. Submissive frenzy is that state of mind that a sub can enter at any time. You will hear it more with new subs excited to experience their new found submission and with other subs that have ended a relationship. During submissive frenzy, a sub feels a desperate need to be owned and belong. Sub frenzy is that overwhelming, insatiable need to experience submission. The sub may do anything to experience it, with no regard to safety.

What are the signs of sub frenzy?

• Hunger to experience it RIGHT NOW!
• Focus on finding the "One"
• Falling in love with a Dominant within a short time of meeting them
• Seeking Dominants and acting submissively to each and every one
• Tossing aside safety protocols
• Giving complete trust to a Dominant in a short time
• Accepting a collar because the Dominant gives it
• Ignoring "gut" feelings and red flags
• Changing yourself to appeal to what the Dominant wants

 Wanting to feel submissive so desperately that you are willing to give up who you are and what you really need.
So how do you stop sub frenzy?

If you are a new submissive:

• Find a mentor and pay attention to what they say.
• Read all you can about the lifestyle 
• Attend munches and local group functions.
• Ask questions… lots and LOTS of questions.
• Take time to know the person inside the Dominant if they are interested in you.
• Take TIME.

And above all, be honest with and about yourself.

If you are coming from a failed relationship:

• Give yourself time to heal.
• Grieve, go through the stages of grief.
• Connect with a friend preferably a Dominant that will not take advantage of your vulnerability.
• Concentrate on the positives and get to know yourself better.

And the new beginning? For me it is letting go of the past and opening up to the possibilities. It is accepting that I am worth it, that I am precious and that I deserve someone to care for me. No, I am not going to allow that hole to be filled with just anyone.
It will take time, lots of time.