Looking for real

So many times Doms and subs come to me telling me they are looking for a "real" sub, or a "real" Dom. What does that mean?

What is not real? Made up?

While I know what they mean, I ask them to define it. Because in finding out what is real, you find out what you need and want.

Some things I hear:

A sub that obeys.
What does that mean? Obeys who? Obeys every word without a thought? Obeys quickly? Never asks a question?

A Dom that respects me.
What does that mean? Call you by name? Never makes you kneel in front of others? Listens to you when you speak?

A sub that is open. Open to something? Open for something? Or do you want to know what she/he feels? Want to know what she/he expects?

A Dom that is strong?
Strong physically? Can shout loud? Or is the silent type?

There is more of course but you get the idea. When you ask a question of a Dom or a sub, be specific and know what you are looking for.
Does that mean you need a checklist? No, but you should know what is something you must find in that person as opposed with something you might live with.

Searching for real. It is not easy. What makes you real?


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day...."Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.
"It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." ... "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.
 "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit."
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept."

 "Love makes you real." said the Rocking Horse. "Once you're real, you can't become un-real again. It lasts for always."said the Rocking Horse.

"Oh, I want very much to be real."

"I'm here to take you away and make you real."
Nursery Fairy


Is it love? or is it a love of who we are. Do we find if we are real through the eyes of someone else?